IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter x describe the problem with the equipment x explain what happened when you phoned the shop x say what you would like the manager to do

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter because I need your attention towards an important issue related to your staff
one
Correct your spelling
on
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 your brand of outlets. I bought a handy juicer machine which after one or two use did not work
proper
Change the adjective
properly
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 because of some problem
is hid
Change the verb form
is hidden
is hiding
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 external body. Let me explain one more important thing
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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when
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 was buying the said item, the counter manager told me about the guarantee of the product and
give
Wrong verb form
gave
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 me a warranty card
along
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with
Correct pronoun usage
with it
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. So keeping in mind all
this
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, I called at
described
Add an article
the described
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 phone number on the warranty card but the response from the other side
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 unaccepted and irritating for me. I asked about the claim
according to
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 their claim policy but they
had
Verb problem
did
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 not even listen to my point of view properly. Due
the
Change preposition
to the
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 rude
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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, I felt humiliated because
this
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 type of attitude cannot be tolerated by anyone. But I remain calm and cool because there is no need to reply
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such
Change preposition
to such
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 rubbish talk. I think being a manager of the company you should be responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
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 serious action. You are running a well-known brand and have
great
Add an article
a great
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 repo in
market
Add an article
the market
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 , If your staff behave like
this
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 it will not
good
Add a missing verb
be good
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 for your business. I hope you take some quick action on it to avoid
further
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 mismanagement. Waiting
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 your positive
rely
Correct your spelling
reply
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. Yours Faithfully, Kunwar

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structure
For an even better letter, ensure that the introduction is clear about the purpose of the letter and that each paragraph distinctively addresses each point requested. For example, clearly delineating the description of the problem, the response from the shop, and the desired outcome could enhance clarity.
cohesion
Your letter could be significantly improved by checking for and correcting grammatical errors, and by ensuring that sentences flow smoothly from one to the next. Using varied sentence structures and transitions between ideas can enhance readability.
grammar
Revising the spelling of certain words and refining the sentence structure can enhance the professional tone of your letter, ensuring that your legitimate complaints are taken seriously.
tone
You successfully communicated a clear desire for a resolution and took a polite and civil tone throughout the letter, which is very important in formal correspondence.
closing
The closing of your letter was appropriately respectful and anticipates a positive response, which is effective in persuasive writing.
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