IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The tradition of families getting together to eat meals is disappearing . what are the reasons ?

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In recent years , it has been noticed that family members are no longer doing get-togethers as they used to do
due to
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 various reasons
such
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 as most individuals
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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migrated and differences in beliefs.
However
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 , some people still practice
such
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 a culture. In my own opinion , I would say it is very vital to have get together as it strengthens the family.
This
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 essay will discuss
further
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 the reasons . Nowadays,
public
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the public
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 migrating to other countries in search of greener pastures ,
therefore
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 , swallowships are no longer happening . population will opt to send funds to their loved ones during holidays , celebrations and if there is an emergency thereby it will reduce the costs of
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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as well as
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 time since most of them will be busy .
For example
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 , most Zimbabweans , evacuated to Great Britain in search of jobs ,
nonetheless
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 ,the distance is huge approximately 25000 kilometres
hence
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 individuals will decide not to attend family gatherings. The indifference to cultural beliefs
also
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 contributes to the disappearance of family meetings because
Add an article
the
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family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 have the human right to believe whatever religion they would like to
hence
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, individuals have a variety of cultural faiths
for example
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 ,
christianity
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Christianity
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, Islam,
hindu
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Hindu
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 and traditional healers .
Although
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 it differs , some family members will decide not to interact with the opposite ones.
For example
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 in Nigeria , it has been reported that about 90 per cent of family members do not even communicate because of witchcraft. In conclusion, families no longer engage in get-togethers
due to
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 various reasons
such
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 as differences in
culture believes
Replace the word
cultural beliefs
show examples
and the migration of society to other countries . In my own opinion , it is vital to have family meetings to a greater extent.

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Language Variety
To improve your score even further, consider diversifying your sentence structures and employing a wider range of vocabulary. This not only enriches your essay but also shows a higher command of the English language.
Supporting Examples
While your essay introduces relevant examples, aim to provide more detailed and specific illustrations to strengthen your points further. This approach can make your arguments more compelling.
Paragraph Structure
Continue to make your paragraphs well-organized, as this greatly aids in the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the disappearance of family get-togethers, demonstrating good task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your logical structure and organized paragraphs contribute to the clarity of your essay, making your arguments easy to follow.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively bookending your essay and providing a clear overview and summary of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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