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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
While
 some
people
 hold that accepting a bad condition is a good choice, others are of the opinion that
people
 should make
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
.
This
 essay will closely examine both views before concluding that I agree with the latter. On the one hand, it is understandable why some
people
 propose that it is best to accept a bad situation. The key rationale is that
this
 helps humans to release their pressure even when the problem still exists without any actions to solve it.
This
 is because there are some challenges
being
Verb problem
that are
show examples
 impossible to overcome, so staying in harmony with
such
 difficulties is like a placebo making our spirit balanced.
For instance
, when a person
is lacking of
Wrong verb form
lacks
show examples
 money, he may allocate his budget to meet the basic demand as
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 or accommodation, and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 pay for luxury clothes or
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
 with friends.
This
 is a temporary solution to deal with
such
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I side with those who say that each person should try their best to enhance difficult situations. Perhaps, the foremost reason would be that
this
 is the best method to resolve the root of
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
. In fact, the difficulties in life make
people
 exhausted and have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 influence on both physical and mental health.
Therefore
, everyone should improve
such
 issues to not only live a happier and healthier life but
also
 contribute to a positive society.
For example
, if a person has an unsatisfactory job, he should attempt to gain more knowledge,
master
Correct word choice
and master
show examples
 the skills to prepare for a better position in the future which benefits him in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
 there are justifications for advocating for the acceptability of negative situations, I would contend that everybody should
give
Verb problem
make
show examples
 efforts to enhance
such
 cases.
Submitted by annguyenbe11 on

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Introduction Enhancement
In your introduction, clearly state your opinion to make it more impactful.
Sentence Variety
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
Example Specificity
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments, making them more compelling.
Linking Devices
To further improve coherence, use a wider range of linking devices to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Task Understanding
Your essay nicely discusses both views as per the prompt, showing a good understanding of the task.
Structural Clarity
You have a clear structure to your essay, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each viewpoint, and conclusion.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and clearly states your opinion, providing a satisfactory closure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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