There are more new towns nowadays, it is more important to include public parks and sports for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays many new city established in many
country
. It is necessary to make Change to a plural noun
countries
parks
and sports
for people's leisure
time
. I agree with this
statements
because public Fix the agreement mistake
statement
parks
get opportunity
to walk, Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
childreen
play and enjoy Correct your spelling
children
children's
leisure
times
. Fix the agreement mistake
time
Besides
, individual sports
give the
Correct pronoun usage
us the
chances
to Fix the agreement mistake
chance
feet
our-self, Correct your spelling
fit
know
various Correct word choice
and know
sports
.
Firstly
, public parks
give us opportunity
to walk, Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
children
play and enjoy leisure
times
. Public Fix the agreement mistake
time
parks
give us a wide area to walk in our free time
which is a great scope to keep peace our mind. Besides
, it is a common place where every ages
Change to a singular noun
age
children
come for playing
with their friends. Change preposition
to play
As well as
no other chance is as good as like Rephrase
Also
park
to emphasize the beauty of nature, which Add an article
the park
a park
peolpe
enjoy Correct your spelling
people
their
Change preposition
in their
leisure
time
. A survey conducted
with the 'Add a missing verb
was conducted
Children
Growth Foundation'
Change noun form
Foundation
in
Change preposition
apply
lasr
year and Correct your spelling
last
they
found that almost 45% Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
came to their nearest park with their parents during Change preposition
of children
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
time
.
Moreover
, individual sports
give the chances
to keep feet and know Fix the agreement mistake
chance
to
other Change preposition
apply
sports
. It is the
great opportunity to enjoy and keep Correct article usage
a
fitness
both during free Replace the word
fit
time
. Furthermore
, Children
and young boys introduced themself with
various Change preposition
to
sports
and also
passing
some Verb problem
spent
time
with that
games which they Correct determiner usage
the
like
most. By individual Wrong verb form
liked
games
people get the chance toAdd a comma
games,
increased
their creativity in their free Change the form of the verb
increase
time
.
In conclusion, public park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
gets
the scope to enjoy people's Verb problem
give
leisure
time
with play
,Change preposition
by playing
walk
and gaining Wrong verb form
walking
the
natural beauty. Correct article usage
apply
Besides
individual sports
keep peoples
Change the noun form
people
fitness
by Replace the word
fit
play with
various types of games which they Wrong verb form
playing
liked
most.Wrong verb form
like
Submitted by tanakchakma55 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structure
Consider revising and clarifying the structure of your essay to ensure there is a clear introduction, supporting paragraphs, and conclusion. These elements are present but could be more distinct.
examples
Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen the argument and make your essay more convincing.
grammar
Watch out for minor grammatical errors, and ensure proper sentence structure to improve clarity.
task response
You effectively address why public parks and sports facilities are important in new towns, clearly stating your agreement with the statement.
examples
Your examples of the benefits of public parks and individual sports activities strengthen your argument.
coherence
Overall, your essay flows logically from one point to the next, making your argument easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!