Some people believe that family has the greatest influence on children's devlopment while others think that other areas such as television friends have a greater influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Children
are the powerful assets of a nation . They are the pillar of the future . Children's
are pliable and it is Change noun form
Children
upto
us to give them Correct your spelling
up to
right
direction and Add an article
the right
suitable
environment to grow upCorrect article usage
a suitable
.
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of Change preposition
in.
people
who believe that family play a vital role
in children
's devlopment
Correct your spelling
development
while
a good number of people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
says
other sources like Correct subject-verb agreement
say
tv
,friends , school , Correct your spelling
TV
newspaper
have better Correct word choice
and newspaper
influence
on child
's growth . There is a range of conflicting arguments releted
to the assertion . In upcoming Correct your spelling
related
paragraphs
I'll not only shed light on the matter but Add a comma
paragraphs,
also
elaborate on my point of view.
To embark on , if we have a deep look at the assertion we will certainly be able to identify myriad reasons why communities believe family has the greatest impact on children
's growth . The first and foremost reason is , family is the first school of a child
. From the beginning
Add a comma
beginning,
offsprings
spend most of the time with their parents Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
therefore
they get the primary lessons from their family . Furthermore
, children's
are good Change noun form
children
observer
. Fix the agreement mistake
observers
As a result
, children
observe their parents and adapt their nature and behaviour that's the reason why people
believe family play crucial
Add an article
a crucial
role
in child's
development . Correct article usage
a child's
More over
, spending time with family not only Correct your spelling
Moreover
strengthen
their bond but Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
also
it
help them Correct pronoun usage
apply
toh
know their roots deeply .
On the paradoxical side , a good number of Correct your spelling
to
people
believe that besides
family other sources like television
or friends have greater
Add an article
a greater
influence
on child's
development . The foremost reason is , Correct article usage
a child's
television
Correct word choice
that television
Play
a part and parcel Correct subject-verb agreement
Plays
role
in our lives . Television
provides huge
range of channels from all over the world which helps them to know about Add an article
a huge
the
other cultures and traditions and Correct article usage
apply
also
lhelp
them to Correct your spelling
help
helps
leany
languages . To elaborate, nowadays Correct your spelling
learn
children
watches
cartoons in English which helps them to learn Change the verb form
watch
language
at Add an article
a language
the language
very
young age . Take example my brother , his first language is Bangla but he used to watch cartoons in English when he was young and from Add an article
a very
very
young age he learnt to speak in English because of the cartoon shows he used to watch. It's really helped him in his academic years . Add an article
a very
Furthermore
, spending time with peees
can Correct your spelling
pets
pes
devlope
Correct your spelling
develop
communications
skills, Change the noun form
communication
team work
, leadership and many more . They get to meet new Correct your spelling
teamwork
people
at every stage and learn from them which helps them to grow in
a successful person .
Change preposition
into
To sum up
, family and others
sources like Correct quantifier usage
other
tv
, Correct your spelling
TV
peers
both have their importance . Family plays a crucial Correct word choice
and peers
role
in the initial stages of a child
's development, providing emotional support, moral guidance, and shaping early learning experiences.External factors like television
and friends begin to exert a greater influence
as children
grow older, expanding their social circles beyond the family. As far as I can see it can be said that external factors ha
the greatest Correct your spelling
have
influence
on children
's devlopment
.Correct your spelling
development
Submitted by shyamal017 on
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Language Accuracy
Try to ensure your spelling and grammar are correct, as small mistakes can distract from your message. For example, 'children's are pliable' should be 'Children are pliable', and 'devlopment' should be 'development'.
Vocabulary Range and Sophistication
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enrich your essay and make it more engaging. This will also help convey your ideas more effectively.
Clarity of Personal Position
Include a clearer and more distinct personal opinion in the conclusion. While you mentioned your viewpoint, making it stand out more distinctly by emphasizing why you believe external factors have a greater influence would strengthen your argument.
Balanced Discussion
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
Use of Examples
Good use of examples to support your arguments, such as the personal anecdote about your brother learning English from cartoons. This illustrates your point vividly.
Essay Structure
You have structured your essay well, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint as well as an introduction and conclusion.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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