IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive and negative impact on society?

#robots #intelligence #humans #workplace #impact #society
The development in AI and
robots
fields
 are altering almost work of
humans
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
. It is the writer of
this
 essay who contends that
this
 is a negative influence in the near future
due to
 the significant changes in
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of jobless people in all
fields
. One of the core reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
humans
 are highly replaced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
robots
 and artificial intelligence
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
demanding for
Wrong verb form
demand
show examples
 a massive
amount
 of production from the industry. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
light of
this
, the productivity of
robots
 and AI always is much for than
this
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 of
humans
.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
machines
 occupy the
proccess
Correct your spelling
process
 of
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
anytime
Correct your spelling
time
show examples
 under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
control and without their
broken
Change the form of the verb
breaking
show examples
 down. Take
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 article by some German workplaces as an example where
pople
Correct your spelling
people
 made
workplace
Fix the agreement mistake
workplaces
show examples
 without
humans
 in all
fields
, they chose to replace
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
show examples
 the developed AI
machines
to produce
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to produce more and more efficient products. They
also
 believed that
tge
Correct your spelling
the
robots
 could complete enough demands from the customers in their country if the demand
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for
massive
Add an article
a massive
show examples
amount
. Another
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
considering
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is that it is
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 development when AI and
robots
 work all day
instead
 of
activity
Correct word choice
human activity
show examples
 of
humans
. It can be seen that the percentage of
unployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 around the world is higher when the
robots
 and artificial intelligence
fields
 are more developed. It is so challenging and difficult for people to apply for
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 companies because of their weaker than the
machines
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
alomost
Correct your spelling
most
 individuals strongly believe that the risk of
industry
Add an article
the industry
show examples
 is less happen when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
robots
 do
lieu
Change preposition
in lieu
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
.
According to
 the latest news in America, there are a lot of jobless people who do not have enough money for their life
such
 as renting
house
Add an article
a house
the house
show examples
, demanding food and drinking, ... because their company is improved by a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
robots
 and automatic
machines
 to produce and join in the
proccess
Correct your spelling
process
 of their workplace anytime. They
also
 hope to find a job in spite of their
low-paid
Correct your spelling
low pay
show examples
. By the reason they think the AI machine system is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 pressing issue
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world when
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 trend of unemployment. Taking all points into account, there are some negative elements than positive as the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
robots
 and
aritificial
Correct your spelling
artificial
 intelligence may be altered completely
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 impact on the ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work in
industry
Add an article
the industry
an industry
show examples
 of
humans
 in the near future.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Focus on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. An identifiable opening and closing statement can significantly enhance the reader's understanding.
Coherence
Ensure there are clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. This enhances both coherence and cohesion.
Evidence
Use specific examples to support your points wherever possible, as this strengthens your argument. While you have attempted to incorporate examples, ensuring they are clear and directly related to your point will make your argument more compelling.
Grammar and Punctuation
Work on sentence construction to avoid run-on sentences and ensure clarity of meaning. Proper punctuation and sentence division can greatly assist in making your essay more readable.
Language Variety
Consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to demonstrate a wide range of language use. This not only makes your writing more engaging but also showcases your language skills.
Topic Engagement
Your essay addresses the prompt and attempts to explore both sides of the issue, showing engagement with the topic.
Use of Examples
You show an effort to provide examples to support your points, indicating an understanding of the importance of evidence in making an argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Cost-effective
  • Innovation
  • Technological advancements
  • Job displacement
  • Economic disparity
  • Dependency
  • Cyber-attacks
  • Ethical concerns
  • Moral questions
  • Standard of living
  • Income gap
  • Widespread automation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: