IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Restoration of old buildings in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

It is believed that the government should allocate their spending
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 building new
facilities
Use synonyms
 in key urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 rather than repairing old
buildings
Use synonyms
. I will show my support for
this
Linking Words
 idea in
this
Linking Words
 essay. The opponents of
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint often exaggerate the advantages that repairing and restoring old
buildings
Use synonyms
 offer.
This
Linking Words
 is because demolition and dismantling of old
buildings
Use synonyms
 can create a lot of dust and constructive waste released into the environment, causing increasingly worsened environmental pollution in urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 perspective fails to consider the huge
cost
Use synonyms
 of repair and restoration of old
buildings
Use synonyms
 which are not a one-time
cost
Use synonyms
, as these activities require constant maintenance costs including structures, designs, and visuals.
This
Linking Words
 is particularly true in the case of a lot of old apartments in Vietnam which need maintenance annually to ensure residents’ safety and these apartments’ visuals, leading to the waste of money but effective not high.
In addition
Linking Words
, the government’s investing in new
facilities
Use synonyms
 can offer long-term benefits, as new
facilities
Use synonyms
 require less maintenance
cost
Use synonyms
 and operating
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 with longer life expectancy, offering long-term
cost
Use synonyms
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
 for the government and individuals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, investing in new
buildings
Use synonyms
 and new
facilities
Use synonyms
 can advance city
infrastructure
Use synonyms
, because
this
Linking Words
 allows for the integration of modern
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 including saving-energy systems, smart technologies, and sustainable design methods.
This
Linking Words
 not only improves features and quality of
facilities
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 contributes to the development of a more resilient and advanced urban
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 system. A perfect example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is Vinhome Ocean Park, a smart urban area in Vietnam, which is designed at modern building standards including energy-saving systems,
environment-friendly
Correct word choice
and environment-friendly
show examples
 technologies, creating a safe and sustainable habitat for residents
as well as
Linking Words
 contributing to a modern and flexible urban
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 system. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 repairing and restoring old
buildings
Use synonyms
 can benefit the environment, I purposefully advocate that the government should invest in constructing new
facilities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the long-term
cost
Use synonyms
 savings and the development of city
infrastructure
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point, to enhance clarity and effectiveness of argumentation.
Coherence Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to smoothly connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Consider a more balanced discussion by presenting counterarguments and then refuting them, to strengthen your position.
Other
Include a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate your grammatical range and accuracy.
Other
Revise your essay to correct minor grammatical and punctuation errors for a polished presentation.
Intoduction Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effective, setting the stage for your argument and summarizing it succinctly.
Examples
Your essay includes relevant specific examples, which effectively illustrate your points and strengthen your argument.
Logical Structure
You've structured your essay logically, with distinct paragraphs for each main idea, enhancing the coherence and flow of your argument.
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