Many celebrities are famous for their glamour and wealth rather than their contributions. This is a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of
Correct article usage
the internetm
internetm
, Correct your spelling
internet
celebrities
Use synonyms
are
easily Unnecessary verb
apply
to
share their Fix the infinitive
apply
Use synonyms
luxury
lives, and young Replace the word
luxurious
children
following and focusing on Use synonyms
celebrities
has Use synonyms
been becoming
a trend in their daily lives. Some people look upon Wrong verb form
become
this
phenomenon as a negative influence on young Linking Words
children
, and I hold an identical opinion toward Use synonyms
this
statement, which will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows.
Linking Words
Celebrities
are known for their luxurious lifestyle, which could negatively impact Use synonyms
children
. Use synonyms
That is
, Linking Words
Children
are vulnerable to the influence of Use synonyms
celebrities
sharing on TV and social media, and it will let Use synonyms
children
mimic and be distracted by Use synonyms
this
superficial news. Take Linking Words
myself
Change the pronoun
me
for example
, I was addicted to a Korean Linking Words
youtuber’s
channel when I was in middle school. The YouTuber shared lots of Correct your spelling
YouTuber’s
YouTubers
luxury
bags and brand cosmetics on her channel. To get the same items the Youtuber shared on social media, I took more part-time jobs to purchase a Use synonyms
luxury
bag, which I barely use daily. During that period, my school grades were declining. Use synonyms
Besides
, I started to get sick quickly because my body could not afford these works.
Continuing to share glamorous lives will spread misconceptions that purchasing a Linking Words
luxury
lifestyle is the life goal. To be more specific, the priority for young Use synonyms
children
should be to explore their talents and learn new knowledge rather than spending time Use synonyms
on
pursuing fancy clothes or competing Change preposition
apply
fancy
Change preposition
in fancy
shose
and Correct your spelling
shoes
backpack
at school. Fix the agreement mistake
backpacks
For example
, when teenagers are addicted to these superficial items, they will not care about what is happening in the world and do not care about what new technology is created. After Linking Words
few
years, the country will lose talented Correct article usage
a few
workforc
, and it Correct your spelling
workers
has
a horrible impact Wrong verb form
will have
to
the country.
In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, Change preposition
on
celebrities
who Use synonyms
known
for Add a missing verb
are known
the
wealth Change the word
their
instead
of their contribution indeed have negative effects Linking Words
to
youth Change preposition
on
due to
spreading misconceptions and Linking Words
concept
to young Fix the agreement mistake
concepts
children
.Use synonyms
Submitted by bpcivvian on
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Ensure you check your writing for minor typos and spelling errors, such as 'internetm' which seems to be a typo for 'internet'. This will help in maintaining the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
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Consider varying your sentence structures more to add complexity and fluency to your writing. While your essay is generally well-structured, employing a wider range of sentence types can enhance its readability and engagement.
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For a stronger Task Achievement score, ensure that your conclusion more decisively encapsulates your viewpoint. While your conclusion is clear, making it more impactful by summarizing key arguments can leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, presenting a clear stance and logically developing your argument throughout.
Task Response
You've done well to include specific examples from personal experience, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow of ideas from the introduction, through the body paragraphs, to the conclusion, makes your essay coherent and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.