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Band 5.5

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why this is happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

#robots #intelligence #humans #workplace #impact #society
In
digital
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the digital
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 era, the development of artificial
intelligent
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intelligence
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 and
robots
 leads to the
replacing
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replacement
show examples
 of
humans
 in
working
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the working
show examples
area
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areas
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. I believe that it
is derives
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is derived
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 from the
robots
' effective productivity and the lack of
humans
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human
show examples
 resources in several
jobs
.
Additionally
, I argue that it will help
ensuring
Wrong verb form
ensure
show examples
 the safety
for
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of
show examples
people
 in
risk
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risky
show examples
jobs
, but it
also
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is also
show examples
 the major reason for the rising of unemployment. It must be acknowledged that
robots
 and artificial
intelligent
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intelligence
show examples
work
 more
effective
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effectively
show examples
 than
humans
. To explain,
while
humans
 can only
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 from 8 to 10 hours per day,
robots
 and AI
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 constantly for several days to meet
th
Correct your spelling
the
 large requirement of products.
For example
, the Shoppee's shipping procedure is all
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 by automated machines
instead
 of
workers
 like before. The lack of employees in some dangerous
work
 is
also
 raise
considerable
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considerably
show examples
. In order words,
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation now
does
Verb problem
is
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 not willing to
work
 in dangerous conditions, they usually have trend to does office
work
 which
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a stable
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stable
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a stable
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 salary. It leads to a shortage of
workers
 in
risk
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risky
show examples
jobs
, so they have to
ultilize
Correct your spelling
utilise
robots
 to do those
jobs
.
For instance
,
currrently
Correct your spelling
currently
,
their
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there
show examples
 is a
repaired-robot
Correct your spelling
repaired robot
show examples
 used to fix undersea cables which rare
people
 want to do
due to
it
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its
show examples
 high water pressure.
Furthermore
, the
replacing
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replacement
show examples
 of
robots
 in dangerous
jobs
 can
ensuring
Change the verb form
ensure
be ensuring
show examples
 the safety
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
 who do
risks
Replace the word
risky
show examples
jobs
.
This
 is because, their still
severals
Correct your spelling
several
show examples
 things which only can
do
Wrong verb form
be done
show examples
 by
people
 so to keep safe ,
robots
 and artificial
intellingent
Correct your spelling
intelligence
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 used to support
humans
 in dangerous situations. Take the job of digging underground tunnels as an example,
people
 can
using
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use
be using
show examples
robots
 to investigate the conditions of soil and oxygen before digging to ensure
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
workers
.
However
, the
enhancing
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enhancement
show examples
 of
robots
 and AI in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 the major reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the high-unemployed nowadays. Put into
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, using
robots
 and AI reduce the demand for
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 because
bussiness
Correct your spelling
businesses
 only need a few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
machines'
controller
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controllers
show examples
.
Such
 as Samsung which has been
redunt
Correct your spelling
riding
 a large
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
workers
last
 year because of the manpower surplus.
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Task Achievement
Try to provide a balanced view on both the positive and negative impacts of robots and AI on society throughout your essay. This will help in maintaining a clear and comprehensive perspective.
Language
There were a few instances where incorrect grammar and vocabulary choices slightly hampered the clarity of your message. Regularly practicing these areas can significantly improve your overall score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use cohesive devices appropriately to strengthen the connection between ideas.
Content
You effectively included relevant, specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay considerably.
Structure
Your essay demonstrates a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is excellent for maintaining the logical flow of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Cost-effective
  • Innovation
  • Technological advancements
  • Job displacement
  • Economic disparity
  • Dependency
  • Cyber-attacks
  • Ethical concerns
  • Moral questions
  • Standard of living
  • Income gap
  • Widespread automation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: