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Writing Samples
Band 7

the charts below give information on the ages of the populations of yemen and italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. summarize the information and make comparison. wrtie at least 150 words.

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the given chart depicts the percentage of populations of
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in 2000 and estimates the figure in 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
people
Use synonyms
 aged 15-59
years
Use synonyms
 are predicted to be the vast majority of the population in Italy and
Yemen
Use synonyms
 in 2050.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the overwhelming majority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in Italy was
people
Use synonyms
 aged 15-59
years
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 figure in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 was
people
Use synonyms
 aged 0-14
years
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
Yemen
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 who were 0-14
years
Use synonyms
 old ranked first with 50.1% and
this
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 group is estimated
that
Change preposition
to
show examples
 decrease to 37% in 2050.
Next,
Linking Words
15-59
years
Use synonyms
 old individuals occupied 46.3% in 2000 and they are predicted to expand largely to 57.3% in 2050.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 aged 60+
years
Use synonyms
 accounted for 3.6% in 2000 and
this
Linking Words
 figure is estimated a increase to 5.7% in 2050. Moving on to the other categories, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who were 15-59
years
Use synonyms
 old took up 61.6% in 2000 and it is predicted that will decrease 46.2% in 2050.
People
Use synonyms
 aged 60+
years
Use synonyms
 made up 24.1% in 2000 and it is estimated that will rise almost twice in 2050.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 0-14
years
Use synonyms
 is estimated that will decrease by around 3% in 2050 from 14.3% in 2000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, people, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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