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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays people have to work for longer hours under stressful conditions. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Suggest the way by which the job conditions can be improved

#people #work #hours #conditions #job
It is argued that in
this
 modern world, people have to do their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 stressful environment for a longer
time
. Living expenses
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 increasing day by day
as well as
 the unemployment rate, which makes people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do stressful
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to cover all things unwillingly. Following the issue, I think technological advancement and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
flexible work
hours
 in the jobs are the best
solution
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solutions
show examples
.
Firstly
, Encouraging the workers
getting
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to get
show examples
 familiar with
advance
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advanced
show examples
 technology
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 with the internet and many office management
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 can lower the stress level in a
job
 by making it remote. Remote
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 will help workers to complete their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 without being present in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
as well as
 giving enough
times
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time
show examples
 to their families.
Moreover
,
those
Change the determiner
that job
those jobs
show examples
job
 which are
physcial
Correct your spelling
physically
 based can use advanced
machine
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machines
show examples
 that make their
job
 mostly automated and
time
-efficient.
For instance
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years, all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
are
Verb problem
have
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engaging
Wrong verb form
engaged
show examples
 in automation by artificial intelligent technology
that is
 making our
life
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lives
show examples
 easier,
however
, that system is not yet
familier
Correct your spelling
familiar
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
.
Secondly
, having
a flexible
Correct the article-noun agreement
a flexible hour
flexible hours
show examples
hours
 can make a
job
 less stressful. Flexible
hours
 of
time
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 a person to improve his thinking ability
as well as
making
Verb problem
get
show examples
 their
job
 done. In many
european
Change the capitalization
European
show examples
 countries, follow
this
 method to balance their private
life
 with work.
On the other hand
, a recent research published that working in countries like South Korea,
Japan
Correct word choice
and Japan
show examples
 are stressful because of no flexible
hours
 available there in more than 65%
job
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of job
show examples
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
.
Time
 management
also
 helps people to resilience their stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
as well as
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
private
Add an article
a private
show examples
life
 with a good amount of free
time
. In conclusion, reducing stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
time
Change preposition
through time
show examples
 management training programs will be much
effective
Correct quantifier usage
more effective
show examples
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 their
life
 balanced with
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Submitted by tanakchakma55 on

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sentence structure
Make sure to vary your sentence structure to enhance readability and make your writing more engaging. Using a mixture of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more dynamic.
grammar punctuation
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to avoid minor mistakes that can distract from your overall message. Consider using grammar checking tools or revising your essay after a short break to spot errors more easily.
example use
Use specific examples to support your arguments. While you provide general examples, incorporating real-life or hypothetical scenarios can strengthen your points and make your argument more convincing.
content comprehension
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear stance, supporting it with relevant ideas.
organization
The structure of your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively organizes your ideas and makes them easy to follow.
idea relevance
Your suggestions for improving job conditions, such as technological advancements and flexible work hours, are relevant and well thought out.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stressful conditions
  • technological advancement
  • competitive work environments
  • work-life balance
  • flexible work hours
  • wellness programs
  • culture of appreciation
  • remote work
  • unnecessary workloads
  • job satisfaction
  • regular breaks
  • productivity
  • time management
  • stress resilience
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