IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #face #development
It is true that recently, the number of individuals who prefer to use social networks to be in contact with
people
 has been increasing day by day
instead
 of seeing each other
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
live.
While
this
 situation has some positive effects, there are many drawbacks. First of all, it is well known the fact that social media is an inseparable part of our lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
People
 who are in a wide range in terms of their ages use some applications
such
 as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter on both mobile phones and computers.
Therefore
, many choose to communicate with their social environment via
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 because of the technological opportunities of these apps.
For example
, I frequently prefer to chat on WhatsApp with my friends or share some pictures among us easily or I use Facetime call to see my parents who are living in another city.
On the other hand
, there is no doubt that we have experienced not being able to see our closest friends and relatives during the epidemic all over the world in recent years.
Due to
 the fact that there were many restrictions in the countries,
people
 did not go out of their homes in order to meet with somebody in an open-air place even as I did. That’s why, we heard on TV that
Correct article usage
the psychologies
show examples
psychologies
Fix the agreement mistake
psychology
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 getting worse
due to
 unsocial lifestyles at home and
together with
 only households. In conclusion, tough social networks have many crucial services to be in contact with
people
 and provide access convenience to end users,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may result in an unsocial and internet-addicted lifestyle.
Thus
, online communication and meeting up with
people
 face to face should be kept in balance.
Submitted by mentescagri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay has a good structure, but focusing on a more defined thesis statement could make your argument clearer.
task response
Use specific examples to support your points. You've done well including personal experiences, but integrating more varied and detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence
Work on the complexity of your sentences and coherence between ideas. Using transitional phrases can help improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
examples
You've done a great job integrating personal experiences and examples to support your points. This makes your essay relatable and engaging.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, considering both the positive and negative aspects of the issue. This balanced approach is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: