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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause ? What can be done about lack of sleep? Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause ? What can be done about lack of sleep?

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In recent days a lot of individuals complain that they are suffering from sleep deprivation and insomnia which cause many problems
such
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 as lower performance on the job or at school.
In addition
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, mental health conditions,
such
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 as depression,
anxiety
Correct word choice
and anxiety
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.
Furthermore
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, increasing the risk of long-term diseases or conditions,
such
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 as high blood pressure and heart disease. But people can eliminate sleep disorders by following some pieces of advice. In the beginning, the deprivation of sleep can affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
performance on the job or at school.
In other words
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, when people do not sleep enough, they can not concentrate on their duties and tasks
as well as
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 they may make some errors and mistakes which affect their response and productivity.
In addition
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, lack of sleep can cause mental health and increase the risk of long-term diseases or conditions,
such
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 as high blood pressure and heart disease
as well as
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 depression and anxiety.
Furthermore
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, unordered sleep can slow reaction time
while
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 driving and elevate the risk of accidents. Occasionally, people can do many things which enhance the sleep process.
For example
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, they should change their pre-sleep behaviour or habits,
such
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 as avoiding misuse of digital devices and not drinking stimulants like coffee and tea in the evening.
In addition
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, following some sleep-related rituals
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
led to
being relaxed
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
.
For instance
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, taking a shower with warm water and going to bed early at the same time every night
as well as
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 reading an interesting book at bedtime . In conclusion, lack of sleep impacts our mental health and well-being.
As a result
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, we should take care of our wake and sleep functions by following a daily routine to help us sleep and wake up regularly and orderly.
Also
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, we must avoid sleep disorders and conserve our internal peace.

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Grammar & Complexity
To further improve your score, consider incorporating more varied and complex sentence structures throughout your essay. This will not only enhance the readability but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Development of Ideas
While your essay presents relevant examples, aiming to include more specific and detailed illustrations can strengthen your arguments. This depth can better showcase your understanding of the topic and improve the persuasiveness of your essay.
Conclusion Enhancement
Consider refining your conclusion by more explicitly summarizing the main points discussed and emphasizing the significance of the solutions proposed. A stronger conclusion can leave a more lasting impression on the reader.
Task Achievement
Excellent job in clearly presenting the problems caused by lack of sleep and proposing practical solutions. Your response fully addresses the essay prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done well in organizing your essay with a logical flow from introduction to conclusion. The clear structure aids in understanding and retaining the presented information.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame your discussion, contributing to a cohesive overall essay. This is crucial for guiding your reader through your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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