IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

in many countries rural people are moving to cities,so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think it is a negative or a positive development?""

#countries #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Nowadays,
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
show examples
number
 of
people
 who are living in the countryside settlements are moving to urban
areas
.In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 it's a negative
development
whereas
 some individuals consider it as a good
development
. First of all the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
 in a particular site or region has a direct contribution to the Improvement of the sites.Higher
population
 leads to
Add an article
a faster
the faster
show examples
faster growing
Add a hyphen
faster-growing
show examples
 economy and urbanization of
area
Add an article
the area
show examples
.
However
 many
people
 are now coming to
cities
 and
this
 is because the
number
 of
people
 living in the rural settlements
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 decreasing.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
 it adversely affects sustainable economic growth and
aggravate
Change the verb form
aggravates
show examples
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of these sites which are less developed compared to urban
areas
.
Furthermore
, every region in the world needs
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
show examples
population
 those who are productive and potential
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
Nevertheless
,
while
 migrating to
cities
people
 left
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
population
 behind especially those who have retired.
For
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 rural
areas
 do not have
people
 who are appropriate and relevant for
further
development
 in terms of their productivity and contribution.
On the other hand
 ,it's commonly believed that
soaring
Correct article usage
the soaring
show examples
number
 of
people
 leaving
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
for coming
Change preposition
to come
show examples
 to the
cities
 can have positive impacts on
people
 themselves.It is apparent that job opportunities and quality of life are far better than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
 regions.By moving to bigger
cities
people
 can find new jobs with higher and rewarding salaries.As
ay
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 result, unemployment rates are depleting.İn addition,
people
 who are moving to
cities
 can
esaily
Correct your spelling
easily
 improve their life conditions.
For example
, If they start to live in
cities
, they will have access to better
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 and transportation. In conclusion,
Rising
Correct article usage
the Rising
show examples
number
 of
population
 are tending to live in
cities
 rather than
less
Change preposition
in less
show examples
 developed rural
areas
 is a negative
development
 and brings lots of drawbacks.
For example
 ,it makes
even
Correct pronoun usage
it even
show examples
 harder to improve
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of local
areas
 and
this regions
Change the determiner
this region
these regions
show examples
 become less productive.
However
 ,some individuals feel that it
favors
Change the spelling
favours
show examples
 many
people
 in terms of finding a new job.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay offers a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion. To further enhance clarity, aim for more precise transitions between paragraphs and within them.
Task Achievement
You've done well to answer the prompt fully, presenting both sides of the argument before arriving at your conclusion. For even greater impact, incorporate more detailed examples to strengthen your main points.
Language Usage
While your essay is structured logically, consider varying your sentence structures and using synonyms to avoid repetition. This will not only enrich your writing but also make it more engaging for the reader.
Structure
Clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
Content Depth
Full response to the prompt, with a balanced examination of both perspectives.
Use of Examples
Good use of examples to support arguments, though more specificity and detail would strengthen your position.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: