IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

in many countries rural people are moving to cities,so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think it is a negative or a positive development?""

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Nowadays,
increasing
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an increasing
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number
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 of
people
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 who are living in the countryside settlements are moving to urban
areas
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.In my point of
view
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view,
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 it's a negative
development
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whereas
Linking Words
 some individuals consider it as a good
development
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. First of all the
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population
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 in a particular site or region has a direct contribution to the Improvement of the sites.Higher
population
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 leads to
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a faster
the faster
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faster growing
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faster-growing
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 economy and urbanization of
area
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the area
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.
However
Linking Words
 many
people
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 are now coming to
cities
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 and
this
Linking Words
 is because the
number
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 of
people
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 living in the rural settlements
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 decreasing.
Linking Words
Consequently
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Consequently,
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 it adversely affects sustainable economic growth and
aggravate
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aggravates
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development
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the development
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 of these sites which are less developed compared to urban
areas
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, every region in the world needs
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
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population
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 those who are productive and potential
employee
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employees
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 migrating to
cities
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people
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 left
older
Correct article usage
the older
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population
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 behind especially those who have retired.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
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reason,
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 rural
areas
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 do not have
people
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 who are appropriate and relevant for
further
Linking Words
development
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 in terms of their productivity and contribution.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,it's commonly believed that
soaring
Correct article usage
the soaring
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number
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 of
people
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 leaving
countryside
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the countryside
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for coming
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to come
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 to the
cities
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 can have positive impacts on
people
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 themselves.It is apparent that job opportunities and quality of life are far better than
rural
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in rural
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 regions.By moving to bigger
cities
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people
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 can find new jobs with higher and rewarding salaries.As
ay
Correct your spelling
a
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 result, unemployment rates are depleting.İn addition,
people
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 who are moving to
cities
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 can
esaily
Correct your spelling
easily
 improve their life conditions.
For example
Linking Words
, If they start to live in
cities
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, they will have access to better
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 and transportation. In conclusion,
Rising
Correct article usage
the Rising
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number
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 of
population
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 are tending to live in
cities
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 rather than
less
Change preposition
in less
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 developed rural
areas
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 is a negative
development
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 and brings lots of drawbacks.
For example
Linking Words
 ,it makes
even
Correct pronoun usage
it even
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 harder to improve
economy
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the economy
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 of local
areas
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 and
Linking Words
this regions
Change the determiner
this region
these regions
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 become less productive.
However
Linking Words
 ,some individuals feel that it
favors
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favours
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 many
people
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 in terms of finding a new job.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay offers a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion. To further enhance clarity, aim for more precise transitions between paragraphs and within them.
Task Achievement
You've done well to answer the prompt fully, presenting both sides of the argument before arriving at your conclusion. For even greater impact, incorporate more detailed examples to strengthen your main points.
Language Usage
While your essay is structured logically, consider varying your sentence structures and using synonyms to avoid repetition. This will not only enrich your writing but also make it more engaging for the reader.
Structure
Clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
Content Depth
Full response to the prompt, with a balanced examination of both perspectives.
Use of Examples
Good use of examples to support arguments, though more specificity and detail would strengthen your position.
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