IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Fast food is a part of life in many places. Some people think this has bad effects on lifestyle and diets. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #part #life #places #people #effects #lifestyle #diets
Due to
Correct article usage
the convenient
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
, affordable
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 and good taste of fast
food
; the consumption of junk meals is rising
according to
 studies but it
also
 brings negative effects on our
health
 in the long run. I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
show examples
withthe
Correct your spelling
with the
 statement that it is bad for human well-being. To commence with, the use of frozen edibles is always injurious to
health
.
People
 opt for it because it is less
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and
due to
 hectic work schedules they can make it easily.
However
,
due to
such
 bad habits, we make compromises with our
health
 and face bad consequences.
According to
 many studies, snacks cause obesity among young
people
.
For example
;
according to
 a report by the World
Health
 Organisation youngsters
of age
Change preposition
aged
show examples
 18 to 35 are caused
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 obesity because of over-consumption of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
oily and packed
food
.
Therefore
, it
also
 becomes the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many other serious diseases related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
heart
Add an article
a heart
the heart
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 as well.
Moreover
, dehydrated
food
 does not hold the nutritious values that are necessary for the human body. Eatable things that are in packets
from
Change preposition
over
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long-run
Correct your spelling
long run
show examples
 can not preserve all the vitamins and minerals that are present in fresh and home-made
food
.
Besides
 that, bacterial contamination is another cause that
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 it injurious to
human
Add an article
the human
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 body. There are many
bacterias
Fix the agreement mistake
bacteria
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 found in outside eatables which cause
food
 poisoning and later on
resulted
Replace the word
result
show examples
 in serious illness.
For example
; a recent case of a little girl, who ate the cake and it caused her death because of
food
poisoining
Correct your spelling
poisoning
 in Punjab, India.
Thereore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
people
 should avoid
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 bread from outside shops because those
people
 only think about their own profit, not about the lives of others. To Condude,
although
, fast
food
 can provide convenient, affordable options for
people
 with busy lifestyles
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
its long-run bad consequences are more dangerous than giving time to cooking at home.
Submitted by bawanpreet070 on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. Continue to develop your ideas and examples to further strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Remember to proofread your work to correct minor grammatical inaccuracies and typographical errors ('I am completely agree' should be 'I completely agree', 'dehydrated food' might be better as 'processed food', 'caused her death because of food poisoining' should be 'caused her death because of food poisoning'). These small errors don't detract significantly from the overall quality but polishing your language use can improve your score.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance the flow of your essay, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words. This will make your text more dynamic and engaging to read.
task achievement
Effective use of specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Good job structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This organization makes your essay easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Heart disease
  • Diabetes
  • Sodium
  • Nutritional habits
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Addictive eating patterns
  • Socioeconomic disparities
  • Convenience
  • Affordable
What to do next:
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