IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages or disadvantages for their study?

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There is a controversial perspective heating a debate that some
people
Use synonyms
 take a gap
year
Use synonyms
 in order to travel or work
instead
Linking Words
 of going directly to college.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon has both pros and cons.
However
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, its
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 can not overshadow its
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. Without a shadow of a doubt, some
school
Use synonyms
 leavers choose to take a trip
as well as
Linking Words
 find a job that does more harm than good.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 explanation for
this
Linking Words
 could be that spending a
year
Use synonyms
 working before going to
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
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 leads
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to concentrate too much on work because of the high salary, which causes them to ignore the importance of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, working as a part-time employee at a famous clothing store namely Uniqlo, which doesn’t require a college degree but still has a comparatively stable income.
However
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,
this
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 occupation can not be embarked
for
Change preposition
on for
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term.
In addition
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, travelling
also
Linking Words
 costs a fortune, which is considered a financial burden for the family because high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates don't make any money yet.
Thus
Linking Words
, taking a gap
year
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 for travelling or
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a tremendously
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tremendously
Change the word
tremendous
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 influence on
people
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While
Linking Words
 the demerits of taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off between
school
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 and university are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if its merits are ignored because travelling and working do wonders for
people
Use synonyms
 in some aspects of life.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
people
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 are able to blow off some steam after an intimidating studying
year
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 before entering
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new
school
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.
For example
Linking Words
, travelling to new lands is a way to not only relieve stress but
also
Linking Words
 absorb more knowledge
such
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 as
cultures
Correct article usage
the cultures
show examples
 of different nations or new languages.
Moreover
Linking Words
, working part-time
also
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 helps
people
Use synonyms
 gain more soft skills like communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 or solving-problem
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Hence
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, working or travelling
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 immensely beneficial to
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off to travel or
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 allows
people
Use synonyms
 to chill out,
however
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 act as an adversity for
people
Use synonyms
 when they come back to the institution.

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Introduction clarity
Make sure your introduction clearly states the topic and your viewpoint, providing a roadmap for the reader. Your introduction starts strong, but the sentence structure could be clearer to directly introduce the discussion.
Balanced Argument
When mentioning advantages or disadvantages, ensure you provide balanced and specific examples for both sides. Your essay leans more towards the disadvantages, making it slightly imbalanced.
Vocabulary Range
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. While your essay exhibits good use of language, more varied expressions could enhance readability and interest.
Argument Depth
Be cautious with overly generalized statements (e.g., 'does more harm than good'). Providing more nuanced perspectives can strengthen your argument.
Paragraph Structure
In constructing paragraphs, especially when explaining advantages and disadvantages, making clear, distinct points followed by detailed examples enhances clarity and comprehension.
Structural Organization
You have provided a good structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides of the argument, and a conclusion.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up the essay, reiterating the main points made in the discussion.
Task Response
You showcase an ability to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, indicating an understanding of the task requirements.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • time management
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving abilities
  • horizons
  • creativity
  • adaptability
  • gap year
  • academic rigor
  • financial constraints
  • long-term educational goals
  • academic pursuits
  • academic ambitions
What to do next:
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