Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages or disadvantages for their study?
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate that some
people
take a gap year
in order to travel or work instead
of going directly to college. This
phenomenon has both pros and cons. However
, its advantage
can not overshadow its Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
disadvantage
.
Without a shadow of a doubt, some Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
school
leavers choose to take a trip as well as
find a job that does more harm than good. And the
explanation for Correct word choice
The
this
could be that spending a year
working before going to academy
leads Correct article usage
the academy
to
Change preposition
apply
people
to concentrate too much on work because of the high salary, which causes them to ignore the importance of study
. Wrong verb form
studying
For instance
, working as a part-time employee at a famous clothing store namely Uniqlo, which doesn’t require a college degree but still has a comparatively stable income. However
, this
occupation can not be embarked for
Change preposition
on for
a
long term. Correct article usage
the
In addition
, travelling also
costs a fortune, which is considered a financial burden for the family because high school
graduates don't make any money yet. Thus
, taking a gap year
for travelling or working
Replace the word
work
brings
Verb problem
has
Correct article usage
a tremendously
tremendously
influence on Change the word
tremendous
people
While
the demerits of taking a year
off between school
and university are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if its merits are ignored because travelling and working do wonders for people
in some aspects of life. This
is due to
the fact that people
are able to blow off some steam after an intimidating studying year
before entering the
new Correct article usage
a
school
. For example
, travelling to new lands is a way to not only relieve stress but also
absorb more knowledge such
as cultures
of different nations or new languages. Correct article usage
the cultures
Moreover
, working part-time also
helps people
gain more soft skills like communication skill
or solving-problem Fix the agreement mistake
skills
skill
. Fix the agreement mistake
skills
Hence
, working or travelling are
immensely beneficial to Correct subject-verb agreement
is
people
.
In conclusion, taking a year
off to travel or working
allows Replace the word
work
people
to chill out, however
, it can also
act as an adversity for people
when they come back to the institution.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction clarity
Make sure your introduction clearly states the topic and your viewpoint, providing a roadmap for the reader. Your introduction starts strong, but the sentence structure could be clearer to directly introduce the discussion.
Balanced Argument
When mentioning advantages or disadvantages, ensure you provide balanced and specific examples for both sides. Your essay leans more towards the disadvantages, making it slightly imbalanced.
Vocabulary Range
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. While your essay exhibits good use of language, more varied expressions could enhance readability and interest.
Argument Depth
Be cautious with overly generalized statements (e.g., 'does more harm than good'). Providing more nuanced perspectives can strengthen your argument.
Paragraph Structure
In constructing paragraphs, especially when explaining advantages and disadvantages, making clear, distinct points followed by detailed examples enhances clarity and comprehension.
Structural Organization
You have provided a good structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides of the argument, and a conclusion.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up the essay, reiterating the main points made in the discussion.
Task Response
You showcase an ability to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, indicating an understanding of the task requirements.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...