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Band 5.5

In many parts of the world, there is not enough food for everyone. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#parts #world #food
In many places on the earth,
food
 is in shortage. I think
this
 is because the
food
 can not be produced
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
somewhere, and I will explain in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, plants can not live anywhere.
Thus
, only the particular areas are good for cultivating them. Places like deserts, volcanoes, north polar, and so on are the locations
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 you can not grow anything.
Therefore
, the people there always feel hungry. Most of them are not healthy. They do not have enough
food
, and
not to mention
 eat healthy.
Besides
, some nations are in battles, and
food
 producers
such
 as farmers, butchers, fishermen, and so forth are running away from their hometowns. They do not want to work anymore.
Hence
,
food
 is very expensive there. In those parts of the world, they have to rely on importing
food
 from their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
. If their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 are not friendly, they will face difficulties. The remedy I can think of is to use modern technologies to help them grow vegetables and fruits. About meat, meat
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 not that important, because nowadays there are so many vegetarians. They do not eat meat, but they are still good in their lives. They are with strong bodies, no sicks, good figures, etc. In my view, developed countries should have to donate their extra
food
 to the poor. Because every year they waste a lot of them, and give them to garbage bins. In a nutshell, you can not eat
food
 in every country. Because they may have a war or the place they live in is not appropriate for certain plants living.
However
, I think we can contribute our
food
 to them by donating.
Also
, we can use the new technologies to improve the conditions there.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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task achievement
Clarify your main ideas with more detailed examples. While you've discussed causes and solutions, more specific examples would strengthen your arguments.
coherence & cohesion
Work on developing a clear introduction and conclusion. While you have them, making them more distinctive and summarizing your main points would be beneficial.
coherence & cohesion
Consider diversifying sentence structures and using a range of linking words to enhance flow and readability.
task achievement
You've successfully identified and tackled both parts of the question, discussing causes and suggesting solutions for food shortage.
coherence & cohesion
The essay maintains a logical sequence of ideas, which helps in understanding your perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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