IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that using a bicycle as your main form of transport has a lot of advantages whereas others think that it has many disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #bicycle #form #transport
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In recent years, people have preferred
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
riding
bicycles
 to driving a car. There are tons of benefits and drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using
bicycles
 as a main form of transport. in
this
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will look at both sides and try to draw a conclusion. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of using
bicycles
. First of all, riding a
bicycle
 regularly makes us more fit and healthy, because we move our muscles
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
 way of our motion when we are riding a
bicycle
. Another outstanding point
is save
Change the verb form
is to save
show examples
 our time and cost of living.
for example
, in Mongolia there is a high traffic jams
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
,
thus
 riding a
bicycle
 can prevent us from heavy traffic jams.
As well as
, we spend some of
money
Correct pronoun usage
our money
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 transportation. For
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
show examples
, every
meters
Change to a singular noun
meter
show examples
 costs money and for public
transportation
Add a comma
transportation,
show examples
 it is much cheaper than the taxi,
however
, public transportation can be uncomfortable at all.
In addition
 to
this
, we spend much time
to park
Change the verb form
parking
show examples
 our
cars
whereas
bicycles
 are easy to park because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 size.
Individuals
Change preposition
For individuals
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 use
cars
, it can be expensive to buy
cars
 and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using
this car
Fix the agreement mistake
these cars
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
fuels
Fix the agreement mistake
fuel
show examples
therefore
, it causes unplanned
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
. Turning to the other side of the argument, riding a
bicycle
 can cause unemployment
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every sector.
For example
, the company that makes
cars
 can be in danger. if
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
keen
Add a missing verb
is keen
show examples
 on
bicycles
 more than
cars
,
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
 income can
be gone
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 down.
Furthermore
, engineering and mechanics lose their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
due to
bicycle
 usage.
Also
, drivers will lose their customers and public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 too. so that, the government can be in danger either. Another disadvantage of riding
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 is unsafe, the reason is the weather changing and precipitation.
For example
, in
Mongolian
Correct your spelling
Mongolia
show examples
 unexpected weather
changing
Replace the word
changes
show examples
,
bicycles
 cause accidents and the
cars
 would be more suitable for
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
 travel. To wrap things up, the benefits of using
bicycles
 outweigh the drawbacks of using
bicycles
. In my point of view,
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to use
bicycles
 as much as they can. It can affect our
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
, age and
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure consistent punctuation usage, especially in terms of capitalization at the beginning of sentences and proper nouns.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on your examples by explaining how they specifically support your arguments, providing a more in-depth analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs more clearly, perhaps by using a single idea per paragraph approach, to improve the essay's logical flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
You may want to avoid repetitive expressions and try to enrich your essay with a wider range of vocabulary.
Task Achievement
You've nicely covered both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion, which enriches the discussion.
Task Achievement
Including specific examples, like the scenario in Mongolia, makes your arguments more concrete and persuasive.
Task Achievement
You've clearly stated your opinion in the conclusion, completing the task effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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