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Band 5.5

Some people are happy to spend their whole life in the same area, others prefer to live in many different places in thair life time? Discuss both views & give your opinion

#people #life #area #places #thair #time
In the recent
vears
Correct your spelling
years
, there has been a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 migration of
people
 around the globe in
search
 of greener pastures.
However
, relocation is not for everyone, there are some
people
 who
are do
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not want to hear about all that, they prefer living their lives in a single place for the rest of their life. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides and provide evidence on why I believe moving to other
places
 is important. On the one hand. we have a
aroup
Correct your spelling
group
 of
people
 who are scared to leave their
places
 of birth in
search
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a better life
elsewhere
. They are afraid of changing
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 because they are used to their own type of lifestyle and they are afraid to move to new
places
 where they would want to start learning and adapting to new
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there is a growing number of
people
 who are not content with their local environment. These
people
 are seen
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 from one place to another for different reasons,
for instance
, in
search
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 good climatic conditions. We have seen a number of Europeans moving to Africa just to experience the good weather.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
Correct article usage
the Chines
show examples
Chines
Correct your spelling
Chinese
show examples
 are relocating to Africa in
search
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 raw materials and mining minerals.
Furthermore
, the biggest number of these
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 are tourists. They only travel for the love of exploration of scenic
places
. In conclusion, it is important for
people
 to travel and explore new
places
 rather than
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one place for the rest of their lives. They will be missing a lot,
this
 world is for everyone to experience its beautiful flora and fauna.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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Language/Spelling
Be cautious of using spellings accurately to maintain the reader's confidence in your work ('years' not 'vears', 'a group' not 'a aroup', 'Chinese' not 'Chines').
Coherence/Cohesion
Try to connect your paragraphs more smoothly by using a wider range of cohesive devices. This could enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
To further improve task achievement, ensure that examples are specific and directly support your argument. While discussing reasons for migration like climate or raw materials is good, providing more detailed examples could strengthen your point.
Structure
When giving your opinion, it may be beneficial to clearly state it in the introduction and then reiterate it more forcefully in the conclusion for greater impact. While your conclusion does present your view, integrating it smoothly into the essay's structure enhances your argument's clarity.
Task Achievement
You successfully presented arguments for both sides before stating your opinion, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
Coherence/Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and effectively frame your essay, contributing positively to its structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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