Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young tin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue?

#decades #media #image #tin #women

there are many

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

believe

Correct pronoun usage

who believe

show examples

that thin

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

the ideal females which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

mainly promoted by the modern media.

This

essay

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

delve into the problem caused by

this

trend and suggest some practical

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

to address

this

issue. First and foremost, one of the obvious problems caused by

this

trend is unhealthy dieting is on the increase.

In other words

, many young females are starving to

loose

Replace the word

lose

show examples

weight and become thin,

as a consequence

, they are in the clutches of illness.

For example

, a new young model

dead

Replace the word

died

show examples

due to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

overfasting

Correct your spelling

overfishing

everlasting

over fasting

Change preposition

for

show examples

several days and

loosing

Replace the word

losing

show examples

protein

that is

essential for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

body

maintenance.

similarly

fat

Add a hyphen

fat-body

show examples

body

women are being insulted and

body shamed

Add a hyphen

body-shamed

show examples

. The

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

have

Correct article usage

a misconsumption

show examples

misconsumption

Correct your spelling

misconception

that fat

body

due to

the intake of

over

Change preposition

apply

show examples

food consumption, in turn, these fat young females are insulted publically and private parties become commonplace.

Nevertheless

, there are some practical

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

to tackle

this

issue to a great

extend

Replace the word

extent

show examples

Firstly

, proper guidance should be provided for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young people to diet and

loose

Correct your spelling

lose

show examples

body

weight. In detail, health education should be provided by not only health authorities but

also

universitites

Correct your spelling

universities

. The awareness

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

proper dieting would reduce

this

issue. The authorities should

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

make strict laws and guidance to

Correct article usage

the medias

show examples

medias

Correct your spelling

media

show examples

about

body

shaming and harassment. By

doint

Correct your spelling

doing

this

the mental harassment

for

Change preposition

show examples

fat women can be reduced significantly. In conclusion, unhealthy dieting is one of the main

diadavantage

Correct your spelling

disadvantages

of the thin-

body

fashion concept.

similarly

, mental harassment is

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

another negative effect of

this

trend. Ergo, proper diet education and implementation of strict laws are the practical solutions to address

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

issues.

Submitted by ck.manshad on Fri Apr 05 2024

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Task Achievement

Clarify and expand your main points with more detailed examples. While you've provided examples, including more specific, varied instances can enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.

Language

Work on grammatical accuracy and range. There are noticeable grammatical errors that, if reduced, would enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Coherence & Cohesion

Improve your essay structure. Introduce your main points in the introduction and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations, to improve coherence.

Language

Vary your sentence structures to create more sophisticated expressions and to avoid repetitiveness. Experiment with compound and complex sentences.

Task Achievement

You've effectively communicated the importance of the issue and suggested viable solutions.

Coherence & Cohesion

You've successfully structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young tin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue?

Your opinion

Some experts think that universal basic income only makes sense if it provides just enough to survive on so that people still need to work and earn money for living. To what extent do you agree?

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

More and more people today expect to get what they want instantly ( goods, services, news), without having to wait. Why is this? Do you think these expectations to get things instantly is a positive or negative development?

19 .As the world has become technological advance, computer are replacing more and more jobs that maybe lose because of computer. Discuss at least one problem that may result.

Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students should encouraged to question and offer criticisms on their teachers. Others think this will lead to a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.