Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young tin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue?

#decades #media #image #tin #women

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there are many

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

believe

Correct pronoun usage

who believe

show examples

that thin

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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the ideal females which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

mainly promoted by the modern media.

This

Linking Words

essay

would

Wrong verb form

will

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delve into the problem caused by

this

Linking Words

trend and suggest some practical

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

to address

this

Linking Words

issue. First and foremost, one of the obvious problems caused by

this

Linking Words

trend is unhealthy dieting is on the increase.

In other words

Linking Words

, many young females are starving to

loose

Replace the word

lose

show examples

weight and become thin,

as a consequence

Linking Words

, they are in the clutches of illness.

For example

Linking Words

, a new young model

dead

Replace the word

died

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due to

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

overfasting

Correct your spelling

overfishing

everlasting

over fasting

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for

show examples

several days and

loosing

Replace the word

losing

show examples

protein

that is

Linking Words

essential for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

body

Use synonyms

maintenance.

similarly

Linking Words

fat

Add a hyphen

fat-body

show examples

body

Use synonyms

women are being insulted and

Use synonyms

body shamed

Add a hyphen

body-shamed

show examples

. The

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

have

Correct article usage

a misconsumption

show examples

misconsumption

Correct your spelling

misconception

that fat

body

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

the intake of

over

Change preposition

apply

show examples

food consumption, in turn, these fat young females are insulted publically and private parties become commonplace.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, there are some practical

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

to tackle

this

Linking Words

issue to a great

extend

Replace the word

extent

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Firstly

Linking Words

, proper guidance should be provided for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young people to diet and

loose

Correct your spelling

lose

show examples

body

Use synonyms

weight. In detail, health education should be provided by not only health authorities but

also

Linking Words

universitites

Correct your spelling

universities

. The awareness

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

proper dieting would reduce

this

Linking Words

issue. The authorities should

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

make strict laws and guidance to

Correct article usage

the medias

show examples

medias

Correct your spelling

media

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about

body

Use synonyms

shaming and harassment. By

doint

Correct your spelling

doing

this

Linking Words

the mental harassment

for

Change preposition

show examples

fat women can be reduced significantly. In conclusion, unhealthy dieting is one of the main

diadavantage

Correct your spelling

disadvantages

of the thin-

body

Use synonyms

fashion concept.

similarly

Linking Words

, mental harassment is

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

another negative effect of

this

Linking Words

trend. Ergo, proper diet education and implementation of strict laws are the practical solutions to address

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

issues.

Submitted by ck.manshad on Fri Apr 05 2024

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Task Achievement

Clarify and expand your main points with more detailed examples. While you've provided examples, including more specific, varied instances can enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.

Language

Work on grammatical accuracy and range. There are noticeable grammatical errors that, if reduced, would enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Coherence & Cohesion

Improve your essay structure. Introduce your main points in the introduction and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations, to improve coherence.

Language

Vary your sentence structures to create more sophisticated expressions and to avoid repetitiveness. Experiment with compound and complex sentences.

Task Achievement

You've effectively communicated the importance of the issue and suggested viable solutions.

Coherence & Cohesion

You've successfully structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young tin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue?

Your opinion

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Some people feel that Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.

The best way to make roads safer is to make vehicle drivers take a driving test each year.