Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and, experience and support your answer with examples and relevant evidence.
Nowadays there is a lot of
discussion
that Change to a plural noun
discussions
the
only women Correct article usage
apply
have
responsible for having whether or not Verb problem
are
children
and also
, they have
more Verb problem
are
responsible
for taking care of them. In my opinion, I partly agree with Replace the word
responsibility
this
suggestion and I will give some examples in the bellow
of Correct your spelling
below
this
essay.
Firstly
, gender inequality still exists in this
modern society
. In this
kind of Fix the agreement mistake
issue
issues
we can see in the hiring to Add a comma
issues,
job
. Many companies still prefer men for some type of work rather than women. Add an article
the job
a job
For example
, when I graduated university
and went to the interview Change preposition
from university
and
the first question of Correct word choice
apply
interviewers
was Fix the agreement mistake
interviewer
the
“WhenCorrect article usage
apply
I
planning to get married?”. Add a missing verb
am I
This
one
of the gender inequalities we have in our Uzbek Add a missing verb
is one
society
and this
society
gives more attention and opportunity for
the Manship. So Change preposition
apply
that is
why, men give
more Verb problem
put
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
forces
Fix the agreement mistake
force
for
their Change preposition
on
career
and they don’t have time for their Fix the agreement mistake
careers
family
.
Fix the agreement mistake
families
I
addition to Correct your spelling
In
this
, the men consist of the breadwinner and this
view cannot be change
for more time. They have Change the verb form
be changed
also
more duty to breed their family, but
not just their Correct word choice
apply
children
and spouses but also
their parents.
On the other hand
, fatherhood play
Change the verb form
plays
vital
role in Add an article
a vital
the
Correct article usage
apply
developing
Replace the word
development
their
Change preposition
of their
offspring’s
physically and emotionally. Many researchers have proved that fatherly love is one Change noun form
offspring
the
important aspects Change preposition
of the
in
Change preposition
of
the
healthy family. Correct article usage
a
Child
which grows up in healthy conditions Add an article
A child
The child
don’t
have social problems. Change the verb form
doesn’t
Besides
this
they can easily find Add a comma
this,
they
spot in the Correct your spelling
the
society
. For instance
, my cousin’s mother is the second wife. Father
of my cousin has Correct article usage
The Father
first
family and Correct article usage
a first
children
. He had tried to spend more his
free time with Change preposition
of his
the
first family, so my cousin Change the word
his
grow
up in Wrong verb form
grew
this
condition and her character is
Wrong verb form
was
little
difficult. She always wants to be in the Correct article usage
a little
center
of the group and Change the spelling
centre
require
more attention from other people. She became unconfident.
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
Overall
, fatherhood is Correct article usage
a vitally
vitally
important Correct article usage
a vitally
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
Change preposition
of
in
Change preposition
of
Correct article usage
a
the
Correct article usage
a
Change noun form
child's
child
life, so that’s why fathers have to pay more attention Change noun form
child's
Change preposition
to
for
raising and caring Change preposition
to
Change preposition
for their
their
Change preposition
for their
children
as Correct subject-verb agreement
equals
equal
Correct subject-verb agreement
equals
Change preposition
to their
their
mothers.Change preposition
to their
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Task Response
Expand and clarify your main ideas. While your essay presents a viewpoint and supporting examples, further elaboration on how and why these points support your opinion would strengthen your argument.
Task Response
Avoid ambiguities and be more explicit in explaining your ideas, especially when discussing gender roles and responsibilities. This will help readers understand your perspective better.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the coherence of your essay by using clearer and more logical transitions between sections. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument in a more structured manner.
Task Response
Ensure a more balanced approach in the final paragraph by fully linking back to the essay question, addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revising the structure of your essay to have a clearer introduction, body paragraphs with clear main ideas, and a concise conclusion. This structure aids in presenting a coherent argument.
Task Response
You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Task Response
Your essay engages with the topic and shows personal reflection on the issue through the use of personal examples.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example