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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart gives information about the number of overseas Japanese tourists between 1985 and 1995, and the line graph illustrates percentage of those going to Australia between 1984 and 1994.

The bar chart gives information about the number of overseas Japanese tourists between 1985 and 1995, and the line graph illustrates percentage of those going to Australia between 1984 and 1994.
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The bar graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 who travelled abroad from 1985 to 1995.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the line chart displays the proportion of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 who visited
Australia
Use synonyms
 from 1984 to 1984.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 who travel to other countries increased significantly. In
decade
Add an article
a decade
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, the
number
Use synonyms
 had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tripled. Started with less than 6 million people in 1985, it skyrocketed to more than 14 million people in 1995. The only decrease happened in 1991, but the
number
Use synonyms
 did not change much.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there was no difference
with
Change preposition
in
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 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 who travelled to
Australia
Use synonyms
. The smallest percentage of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 who go to
Australia
Use synonyms
 happened in 1985, and the largest one was in 1995.
This
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 is inclined from year to year. Over a decade, there were about 15 million
Japanese
Use synonyms
 who went to
Australia
Use synonyms
. In
conclucion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, there was a large proportion of people who
travel
Wrong verb form
travelled
show examples
 from Japan.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, japanese, australia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas tourists
  • chart analysis
  • data interpretation
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • tourist trends
  • economic factors
  • promotional activities
  • visa policies
  • cultural influences
  • social factors
  • culmination of trends
  • speculation
  • preference shifts
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