IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disgaree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives #disgaree
It is debatable whether the most prominent aim of science is improving the
lives
 of individuals or not. I generally agree with
this
 point of view;
however
, its effect on
nature
 should be taken into account. As humans are the most advanced species, their
lives
 matter the most
between
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other creatures and attending to their needs in a more comfortable way is paramount. With an aim to cause improvements, useful machinery can be produced to ensure the
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
 of people’s
lives
,
this
 can be done by carrying out various experiments involving the creation of cutting-edge technology.
However
, prior statements do not take away the importance of the
lives
 of other living beings which live in
nature
. In fact, various
scientifical
Correct your spelling
scientific
show examples
 procedures carried out by scientists might be harmful to
nature
; one particular outcome is deforestation, coming hand in hand with soil erosion. Being an impactful source of materials,
nature
’s health is of major importance and should not be taken for granted. In conclusion, as important
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the improvement of people’s
lives
, the safety of
nature
 is
also
 of great importance. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 taking care of
nature
 by using science in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 correct way can
also
 lead to improvements regarding day-to-day life
Submitted by viana.elahi on

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task achievement
While your essay presents a well-balanced perspective on the topic, incorporating more specific examples to illustrate your points would further strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Consider elaborating more on how science can improve people's lives and how it affects nature with specific instances. This can help provide a fuller understanding of your perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure and flow of ideas which makes it easy to follow. However, to enhance coherence and cohesion, try to explicitly link the conclusion back to the introduction by restating your thesis in a new light after presenting the arguments.
introduction/conclusion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, making sure to address the prompt fully.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, facilitating an easy follow-through of your points.
supported main points
You have effectively managed to support your main points with relevant discussions, balancing both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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