IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 0.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are studying in universities prefer to be engaged in different fields of study, not only their major subject.
While
Linking Words
 other individuals consider that if you are engaged in your main subject the result will be better.
Hence
Linking Words
, I will discuss both cases and open the question
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
 I would prefer to study variously.
Submitted by illamigrogorodskoj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Content expansion and support
The essay currently provides a very brief overview of the topic with limited development on each point of view. For improvement, it would be beneficial to expand on each perspective presented, providing specific examples and more detailed explanations on why some students prefer to study various subjects, while others focus solely on their main area of study. This expansion will contribute to both the task achievement and coherence and cohesion scores.
Organization and clarity
To enhance the logical structure and flow of your essay, consider organizing your essay more clearly into paragraphs that each focus on a specific point or perspective. Start with an introduction that clearly states the topic and your thesis, follow with body paragraphs that each address a different view (making sure to support your points with specific examples or explanations), and conclude with a summary of your discussion and your own stance on the issue.
Addressing the prompt fully
Make sure to directly address the prompt by discussing both views presented as well as giving your own opinion more explicitly. This will help with the task achievement score as it shows you have fully understood and responded to the task requirements.
Topic engagement
The essay indicates a willingness to engage with the topic's complexity, suggesting an underlying understanding of the different perspectives.
Introduction of personal opinion
The introduction of a personal stance shows a good attempt to provide an original point of view, which is a positive aspect of task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: