IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The first diagram gives information on the quantity of books borrowed from different viilage libraries between June and September in 2014 and the second graph illustrates the proportion of types of book borrowed during this given time.

The first diagram gives information on the quantity of books borrowed from different viilage libraries between June and September in 2014 and the second graph illustrates the proportion of types of book borrowed during this given time.
#first #information #quantity #books #viilage #libraries #june #september #second #proportion #book #time
The provided line graph gives us information about
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
books
borrowing
Wrong verb form
borrowed
show examples
 in 4 villages (West Eaton,
Ryeslip
, Sutton Wood, Church Mount) between June and
September
. At
firs
Correct your spelling
first
show examples
 glance, the
number
 of
books
 borrowed in
Ryeslip
 decreased gradually over the time period given
while
 the
number
 of
books
 in West Eaton and Church Mount moved upward. The amount of borrowing in Sutton Wood experienced rapidly changing during the time given.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the start of time,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of borrowing in
Ryeslip
was peak
Wrong verb form
peaked
show examples
 at 300
books
 borrowed per
month
 compared to other villages following months it decreased gradually and touched
lowest
Correct pronoun usage
its lowest
show examples
 point
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
 150
books
 per
month
 in
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
books
 borrowed
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started at the same point 50 in Church Mount and West Eaton. Until Agust, they
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rise
 slightly after increasing, they
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off between
Agusts
Correct your spelling
August
 and
September
. The
number
 of
books
 borrowed in Sutton Wood moved upward slightly the following
month
then
, it moved downward dramatically and it had
lowest
Correct pronoun usage
its lowest
show examples
 point at 100
books
 borrowed per
month
 in
Agusts
Correct your spelling
August
.
After
this
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
, it rocketed and expanded
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Ryeslip
's
number
 of
books
 and
Correct your spelling
reached
reaches
reacheh
Correct your spelling
reached
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 borrowing village in
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
 at 300
books
Submitted by k26840q on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words books, ryeslip, september, number, month with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: