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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first diagram gives information on the quantity of books borrowed from different viilage libraries between June and September in 2014 and the second graph illustrates the proportion of types of book borrowed during this given time.

The first diagram gives information on the quantity of books borrowed from different viilage libraries between June and September in 2014 and the second graph illustrates the proportion of types of book borrowed during this given time.
#first #information #quantity #books #viilage #libraries #june #september #second #proportion #book #time
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The provided line graph gives us information about
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of
books
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borrowing
Wrong verb form
borrowed
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 in 4 villages (West Eaton,
Ryeslip
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, Sutton Wood, Church Mount) between June and
September
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. At
firs
Correct your spelling
first
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 glance, the
number
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 of
books
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 borrowed in
Ryeslip
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 decreased gradually over the time period given
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
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 in West Eaton and Church Mount moved upward. The amount of borrowing in Sutton Wood experienced rapidly changing during the time given.
In
Change preposition
At
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 the start of time,
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of borrowing in
Ryeslip
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was peak
Wrong verb form
peaked
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 at 300
books
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 borrowed per
month
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 compared to other villages following months it decreased gradually and touched
lowest
Correct pronoun usage
its lowest
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 point
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
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 150
books
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 per
month
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 in
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september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
books
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 borrowed
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started at the same point 50 in Church Mount and West Eaton. Until Agust, they
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rise
 slightly after increasing, they
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off between
Agusts
Correct your spelling
August
 and
September
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. The
number
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 of
books
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 borrowed in Sutton Wood moved upward slightly the following
month
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then
Linking Words
, it moved downward dramatically and it had
lowest
Correct pronoun usage
its lowest
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 point at 100
books
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 borrowed per
month
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 in
Agusts
Correct your spelling
August
.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
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, it rocketed and expanded
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Ryeslip
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's
number
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 of
books
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 and
Correct your spelling
reached
reaches
reacheh
Correct your spelling
reached
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 borrowing village in
Use synonyms
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
 at 300
books
Use synonyms
Submitted by k26840q on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, ryeslip, september, number, month with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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