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Band 5.5

The youth crime rate is rising rapidly in many countries. What are the reasons for this trend? What can parents and teachers do to solve it?

#youth #crime #rate #countries #trend #parents #teachers
Nowadays, the amount of crime itself is skyrocketing quite abruptly, and those numbers increase relatively faster for the younger generation - the juvenile delinquency. The main reason for
such
 contrast is the influence of the environment on teenagers who acquire their upbringing, but another rising cause hides in the impact of social media as well. In the opinions of the majority of underage individuals, it is perceived as something that could be positively evaluated among their peers, but it
also
 greatly depends on the delinquency itself since their family might experience financial issues or drown in debt, and adolescents usually find solutions by engaging in illegal acts or
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
. They can be led to
such
 drastic decisions
due to
 their own will or under the pressure of the close ones. In conclusion,
such
 problems must be addressed and included in education programs, and the punishment for those deeds has to be severe enough to bring more success
as a result
.
Submitted by elnur.adil on

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Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, consider adding more detailed examples and ensuring each paragraph has a single, clear focus.
Content
You've identified significant reasons for the rise in youth crime and proposed interventions. For even stronger task achievement, deepen your exploration of the causes and solutions with more specific examples and a broader range of ideas.
Examples
Try to provide more concrete examples and data to support your points, as this will make your argument more convincing and improve your essay's overall impact.
Content
Great job on addressing both the reasons for the rise in youth crime and suggesting potential solutions involving parents and teachers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay flows nicely due to your effective use of transitions and a clear progression of ideas, enhancing its coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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