IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Some people said that with the help of parenting and child development courses parents can improve the life of children. To what extent do you agree?

#people #help #child #development #courses #parents #life #children
Undoubtedly, children are the most powerful assets of a nation . Children are the pillar of the future . So it's very crucial to give them proper guidance
as well as
environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
 to grow up
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
 to lead a
well settled
Add a hyphen
well-settled
show examples
 lifestyle . In
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 scenario
Add a comma
,
show examples
it can be seen that a colossal upsurge in the number of people who believe that courses like parenting and child development courses
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 children's personal
devlopment
Correct your spelling
development
. I vehemently
Accord
Verb problem
Agree
show examples
 with the given assertion . In upcoming paragraphs , I'll not only shed light on the matter but
also
 elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
certitudes
Fix the agreement mistake
certitude
show examples
.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further improve your essay, consider adding more specific examples and case studies. These would help to illustrate your points more vividly and make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your introduction is well-structured, but adding a thesis statement summarizing your main argument could make it even stronger.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or argument. This makes your essay easier to follow and strengthens your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of connectors and transition phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You've provided a clear perspective, supporting the significance of parenting and child development courses.
coherence cohesion
The organization of your essay is logical, making it easy for readers to understand your points.
general
Your enthusiasm for the topic is evident, which helps to engage the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing environment
  • holistic development
  • child psychology
  • parental confidence
  • mental health
  • child-rearing practices
  • inclusivity
  • adaptability
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • socioeconomic groups
  • unique needs
  • personality & circumstances
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!