IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that arts (for example, music or painting) don't directly improve people's wellbeing, and therefore the goverment should spend money on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 especially think that arts do not give any benefits to improve
people
Use synonyms
's wellbeing. It has been considered that Government should spend their
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
 budget on other things
such
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 as technology , education and health care systems. I tend to disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
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diea
Correct your spelling
idea
 and I will explain my idea in
this
Linking Words
 essay . First and foremost , there are numerous
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
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assume
Correct pronoun usage
who assume
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 that arts mean only paintings .
Moreover
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 in
this
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 modern
world
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 in
AI
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the AI
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 era ,
People
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 are worried that companies and organisations will not recruit any
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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.
This
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 is one of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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,
people
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 think that
art
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 does not give any benefit to their life . In my opinion ,
art
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 does not mean only
paining
Correct your spelling
painting
show examples
.
Art
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 can be described under many
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
such
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 as
music
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 , painting and writing . Every
schools
Change to a singular noun
school
show examples
 in the
world
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 ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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always provide
art
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class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 with a
varieties
Correct the article-noun agreement
variety
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 of painting supplies . Even the
aged
Replace the word
ages
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 of 3 to 4 years old children have to learn how to paint . Painting keeps the children calm down and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them to concentrate more .
Moreover
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 ,painting enhances their creativity . Holding
brush
Correct article usage
a brush
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 , looking at the canvas and thinking
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
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 at the same time help the children multitask .
This
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 achieve a lot of things in their lives.  Another form of
art
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 is
music
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 ,
music
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 can make
people
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 happy and help when they are under
stressed
Change the form of the verb
stress
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. Dancing with
music
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 increases physical workout and burns fat and calories . A good example of
art
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 and workout is Zumba which has been recognised as
physical
Correct article usage
a physical
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 workout and
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 program . In
modern
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the modern
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world
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 , there has been
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 demand for designers with a strong sold of artistic mind to attract the audience in digital marketing . Since
art
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 is an emotion and creativity , AI can not replace it .
Therefore
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 ,above my explained ideas , I believe that
art
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 plays
vital
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a vital
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 role in the
world
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 .
People
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 should not consider
art
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 as a waste of time and energy .
Art
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 can not be replaced
and
Correct word choice
or
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 reproduced .
Governent
Correct your spelling
Government
 should help
artist
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the artist
show examples
 by providing grants and funds for their creativity.
Government
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The government
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also
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 should strictly regulate the law for their copyright
too
Rephrase
apply
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.
This
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prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
show examples
 artist well being and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 grow better and safer .

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Spelling and Grammar
Be mindful of spelling and grammar. Small errors such as 'paining' instead of 'painting', or 'diea' instead of 'idea', can distract from the clarity of your message.
Language Use
Enhance your argument with diverse sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to keep the reader engaged and to demonstrate your language skills more fully.
Essay Structure
Consider structuring your essay with a clearer division between paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of your argument. This assists in improving the logical flow and readability.
Use of Examples
Engaging use of specific examples, such as the mention of Zumba, to illustrate points about the benefits of art.
Task Response
Successful in addressing the prompt by providing a clear stance and substantiating the argument with well-developed points.
Introduction/Conclusion
Effective use of an introductory and a concluding paragraph, setting the tone and summarizing the argument convincingly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wellbeing
  • therapeutic
  • stress reduction
  • social cohesion
  • cultural identity
  • critical thinking
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • minimal budget allocation
  • public spending priorities
  • long-term impacts
  • cultural heritage
  • diversity
  • understanding
What to do next:
Look at other essays: