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Band 5.5

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#activity #child #skills #creativity
It is well known the fact that
children
 can obtain perspective in many ways
during
Change preposition
by
show examples
 both having
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 in funny acts and getting some details from the books. In my opinion, learning something
while
 doing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lively by touching or feeling is more creative in comparison with trying to understand from books in an imaginary world.
To begin
 with, nowadays so many different activities are accessible for
children
as of
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at
show examples
 the beginning of little ages that they can improve their visual and physical abilities.
For example
,
children
 are able to learn
playing
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by playing
show examples
 with toys which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 beneficial for their intelligence during pre-school or
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 a member of a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 team whilst they are
a
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apply
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 can develop their movement abilities and power of the body.
On the other hand
, there is no doubt that reading opens new worlds in
children
’s memories and
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to their capabilities which are solving a problem, giving a quick response, improving
point
Correct pronoun usage
their point
show examples
 of view for the situations and so on.
However
, it might be limited without being in an event or seeing with their own eyes one by one.
For instance
, watching cartoons cannot be explained sufficiently unless a child watches it on television
instead
 of reading
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fairy tale books with pictures.
Finally
, it is the best practice that if it is
established
Wrong verb form
establish
show examples
 an environment around
children
 including fun and theoretical learning together,
this
 concept boosts kids’ skills in
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way.
To conclude
, regardless of how beneficial reading a book is for kids,
this
 cannot bring enough skill to them. Learning
while
 enjoying stays much more in their memories in terms of gaining better creativity and capability.
Submitted by mentescagri on

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Enhance Expression
You've made a clear argument supported by examples, showing how enjoyable activities can develop better skills and creativity in children compared to reading. Endeavor to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your expression.
Balanced Argumentation
Provide more balanced arguments by further elaborating on how reading could also contribute to a child's development, ensuring your essay presents an in-depth analysis of both perspectives.
Linking Words
Aim to incorporate a range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay and to clearly distinguish between ideas, sections, and arguments.
Effective Framing
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, making your stance clear from the outset.
Effective Example Usage
You successfully utilize examples to illustrate your points, providing a concrete basis for your arguments.
Coherent Structure
The overall structure of your essay is coherent, with a logical flow from introduction through to conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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