Some experts are concerned that people in modern society change their electronic devices when not necessary. Why is this phenomenon occurring? Explain if this has a positive or negative effect on society.

Some argue that
people
are changing their electronic devices
such
as smartphones and computers more frequently these days without any
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
. There are some reasons why
this
phenomenon is occurring, and I think that
this
situation
has a negative impact on
society
.
To begin
with, there are several reasons why
people
often change their electronic products.
Firstly
, the development of social media is one of the main factors.
People
used to upload what they have on their social media, showing expensive or fancy items they own.
The frequent
Correct article usage
Frequent
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exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
social media will make individuals
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have a desire for the ownership of fancy products. It leads to
an
Remove the article
apply
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unnecessary spending
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
customers indirectly.
In addition
,
trend
Add an article
the trend
show examples
is another key
factors
Replace the adjective
factor
show examples
of
this
phenomenon. Young generations are sensitive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
following a trend.
For example
, if possessing an iPhone is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rizz
Correct your spelling
frizz
”, young
people
want to change their items regardless of
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
my perspective, I firmly believe that
this
contemporary
situation
has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
influenced
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
negatively. First of all, it can lead to an overconsumption. If
people
kept
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
buying electronic devices regardless of their financial
situation
, they eventually will be indifferent
of
Change preposition
to
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spending money. The more
people
do not care about their financial
situation
, the more
people
become poor, resulting in the
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
problem.
Moreover
, it can contribute to the harmful effect on the environment. Many materials which play a negative role in the environment were used to produce electronic devices. Governments
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
authorities worldwide are trying their best to recycle materials from electronic products for the sake of protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
situation
has a significantly negative impact on
society
. It is imperative for not only individuals but
also
governments or authorities to perceive the bad effects of their behaviours.
Furthermore
, governments should provide a lot of information which
explain
Correct subject-verb agreement
explains
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the impact so that
people
can
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
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the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
seriousness of what they are doing and change their behaviour.
Submitted by dmdql2708 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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