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Writing Samples
Band 7

Task 1 : The pie charts below describe the electric energy production a major source of energy in the US. Write a short report for a university lecturer describing the information in the charts

Task 1 : The pie charts below describe the electric energy production a major source of energy in the US. Write a short report for a university lecturer describing the information in the charts
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The given pie charts illustrate the change in electric
energy
Use synonyms
 generation, a key
energy
Use synonyms
 source in the United States between the two periods.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear the majority of
energy
Use synonyms
 sources in the United States were oil over the two-year period
while
Linking Words
 hydroelectric
power
Use synonyms
 was the least. At the beginning of the period, Oil accounted
42
Change preposition
for 42
show examples
% of the total proportion which was the largest among others and decreased in 1990
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 only 33%. In 1990, Nuclear
Power
Use synonyms
 was doubled from its in 1980, which 10%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there
an
Add a missing verb
was an
show examples
 increase of 5% in coal as a source of
energy
Use synonyms
 in the US from 5% to 10%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. Regarding the figures that have not or slightly changed, namely Hydroelectric
Power
Use synonyms
 and Natural Gas were only about 5% and 26% in 1980, respectively. In 1990, Natural Gas slightly changed into one-fourth of the total proportion
while
Linking Words
 Hydroelectric
Power
Use synonyms
 still remained the same.
Submitted by rezaf.permadi on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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