Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In contemporary times, there exists a paramount emphasis on
sports
, eliciting a plethora of debates on this
subject. Several individuals believe that governments should ban dangerous sports
, however
, others claim that individuals should have the freedom to play any sports
or activities
. personally, in this
essay, I would like to discuss both sides in more detail before giving my opinion.
On the one hand, some residents support the idea that the
unsafe Correct article usage
apply
sports
should be prohibited by the authorities because they have a high risk of causing deaths or disablement to players. This
consequence leads to other disadvantage
effects on their family members Replace the word
disadvantageous
as well as
society. For example
, if a man who is a breadwinner passes away or is disabled because of a treacherous sports
accident, his family will face major issues from mental to financial. As a result
, his children may stop living and studying in high-quality situations. Also
, the
society Correct article usage
apply
losts
a piece of Correct your spelling
loses
personal
.
Replace the word
personality
On the other hand
, some groups argue that populations should be allowed to play all kinds of sports
or activities
. This
helps them to have opportunities to explore the interesting in phycial
Correct your spelling
physical
activities
themselves. Furthermore
, it incourages
more individuals to access Correct your spelling
encourages
the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
. For instance
, if a person who love
playing daring mountains is constrained to play football, Change the verb form
loves
this
makes losing his or her motivation of playing
the Change preposition
to play
sports
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
sport
although
both sides certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to let people have the freedom to play any sports
or activities
.Submitted by writingeilts on
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general
Overall, your essay is structured well, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some points could be expanded further for clarity and better support.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point is supported with clear, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety to enhance readability. For example: 'For example, if a man who is a breadwinner passes away or is disabled because of a treacherous sports accident, his family will face major issues from mental to financial.' can be revised to 'For example, if a man who is the breadwinner dies or becomes disabled due to a dangerous sports accident, his family would face significant mental and financial challenges.'
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, and you clearly state your intention to discuss both perspectives before presenting your opinion.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure that makes it easy to follow your argumentation.