IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In contemporary times, there exists a paramount emphasis on
sports
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, eliciting a plethora of debates on
this
Linking Words
 subject. Several individuals believe that governments should ban dangerous
sports
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,
however
Linking Words
, others claim that individuals should have the freedom to play any
sports
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 or
activities
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. personally, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would like to discuss both sides in more detail before giving my opinion. On the one hand, some residents support the idea that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unsafe
sports
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited by the authorities because they have a high risk of causing deaths or disablement to players.
This
Linking Words
 consequence leads to other
disadvantage
Replace the word
disadvantageous
show examples
 effects on their family members
as well as
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 society.
For example
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, if a man who is a breadwinner passes away or is disabled because of a treacherous
sports
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 accident, his family will face major issues from mental to financial.
As a result
Linking Words
, his children may stop living and studying in high-quality situations.
Also
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
losts
Correct your spelling
loses
 a piece of
personal
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personality
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, some groups argue that populations should be allowed to play all kinds of
sports
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 or
activities
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.
This
Linking Words
 helps them to have opportunities to explore the interesting in
phycial
Correct your spelling
physical
activities
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 themselves.
Furthermore
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, it
incourages
Correct your spelling
encourages
 more individuals to access
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a person who
love
Change the verb form
loves
show examples
 playing daring mountains is constrained to play football,
this
Linking Words
 makes losing his or her motivation
of playing
Change preposition
to play
show examples
 the
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sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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. In conclusion,
although
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 both sides certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to let people have the freedom to play any
sports
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 or
activities
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.

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general
Overall, your essay is structured well, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some points could be expanded further for clarity and better support.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point is supported with clear, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety to enhance readability. For example: 'For example, if a man who is a breadwinner passes away or is disabled because of a treacherous sports accident, his family will face major issues from mental to financial.' can be revised to 'For example, if a man who is the breadwinner dies or becomes disabled due to a dangerous sports accident, his family would face significant mental and financial challenges.'
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, and you clearly state your intention to discuss both perspectives before presenting your opinion.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure that makes it easy to follow your argumentation.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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