IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. many of the problems young people now experience such as juvenile deliquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opioion?

Human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been evolution a
milion
Correct your spelling
million
 of years.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
Correct article usage
the stone
show examples
stone age
Correct your spelling
Stone Age
show examples
, men with more strength than women
have responrity to do
Wrong verb form
had the responsibility of
show examples
 hunting a dangerous duty to find
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
 for their family.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, women were left
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a cave to take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. To survive
this
Linking Words
 behavior
continious foward
Correct your spelling
continuously forward
 to new
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 intellectual process of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 and the
deveolpment
Correct your spelling
development
 of technology, a duty or
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 depend on gender anymore. In fact, the problems of young people
such
Linking Words
 as juvenile
deliquency
Correct your spelling
delinquency
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 only
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 by their
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
 not
care
Wrong verb form
caring
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
cause
Wrong verb form
be caused
show examples
 by many factors. In my point of view, a
teenature
Correct your spelling
the nature
tee nature
 who
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
show examples
 with their
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 mom in
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
A violence
Remove the article
Violence
show examples
 in
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 by father, mother,
silbing
Correct your spelling
sibling
siblings
 or relatives
resulting
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
 in mental
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 by anxiety and
depresssion
Correct your spelling
depression
. When younger have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
weak mental health, they will
be seduce
Change the verb form
be seduced
show examples
 by bad people to do something bad more easily than usual. In some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
, parents with a
well prepare
Correct your spelling
well-prepared
show examples
 money, education and mental health to have a child expecting their child to be a perfect person
such
Linking Words
 as an
asian
Change the capitalization
Asian
show examples
 parenting.
The asian
Correct article usage
Asian
show examples
 parents want their
children
Use synonyms
 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number one in
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
, a lot of pressure
puting
Correct your spelling
putting
 on their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 makes them a
phycosis
Correct your spelling
psychosis
. The mental disorder
give
Verb problem
causes
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to
be
Verb problem
become
show examples
unconcious
Correct your spelling
unconscious
, they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not know that they do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 have more impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
teenature's
Change noun form
teenagers'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Social media
such
Linking Words
 as
intragram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
, facebook and X enhance the
change
Correct your spelling
chance
show examples
 to
talking
Wrong verb form
talk
show examples
 to a stranger. These strangers can meet a
young-age
Correct your spelling
young age
show examples
 and manipulate them to misconception. In summary, I disagree that the role of
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 care
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 was only for
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
. Now, we have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childcare and education systems, in
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 working parents. Sharing parental responsibilities is the essential key to ensuring
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 well-being
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
, the
mis-understanding
Correct your spelling
misunderstanding
 of working
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to negative outcomes for
children
Use synonyms
 should
be disappear
Change the verb form
disappear
show examples
.

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Structure
Try to organize your essay more clearly by introducing, developing, and concluding your ideas. A clear introduction and conclusion can significantly enhance the logical flow.
Cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of sentence structures and transitions to link your ideas more naturally and improve the readability of your essay.
Grammar and Spelling
Be cautious with spelling and grammar to ensure your argument is conveyed clearly and professionally.
Supporting Examples
Incorporate specific examples to support your arguments. Examples can make your points more compelling and easier to understand.
Topic Addressing
You've successfully addressed the essay topic and provided your viewpoint, which is a good foundation for your essay.
Analysis Depth
Efforts to explore various factors causing juvenile delinquency beyond the assertion that working mothers are to blame show an understanding of the essay's complexity.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Markedly
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Child upbringing
  • Parental supervision
  • Family dynamics
  • Workforce participation
  • Societal infrastructure
  • Childcare systems
  • Parental responsibilities
  • Misconception
  • Economic benefits
  • Role modeling
  • Gender equality
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