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Band 5.5

You decide to write a piece for your school magazine on the voting age, arguing that it should be lowered.

#piece #school #magazine #age
Why the voting
age
 should be lowered to 16 years old The level of turnout in the elections
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the young population is not high.
Therefore
, politicians should consider the changes required in the current election system, so the number of voters is increased. The minimum
age
 to vote currently is 18. Some studies have suggested that reducing the voting
age
 to 16 could influence changing routine habits with respect to participation in balloting. 16-year-olds still live with their parents and thanks to the parents' influence the probability of using the right to vote could increase dramatically,
Nevertheless
, enabling teenagers to vote may contribute to the creation of new routines with respect to voting again in elections. On another note,
this
 population should be able to make decisions about issues that would affect them soon.
In addition
, politicians should start including more questions that may affect teens in their campaigns. In conclusion, the minimum
age
 for voting should be reduced to 16, as
this
 way
this
 part of the society would feel considered to make decisions that would affect their future.
Although
 some people claim that they are still too young to commit, studies have shown that earlier participation in the elections could contribute to
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 involvement in the forthcoming times, improving participation rates among the youngest.
Submitted by olatzbaroja on

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Evidence
Consider expanding your argument with more varied examples and evidence from reputable sources to strengthen your case.
Argument Depth
Try to include counterarguments in your essay to show a balanced view, and then refute these points to make your argument stronger.
Coherence
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph clearly links to the main argument and use transition phrases to smoothly move from one idea to the next.
Introduction & Conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing your overarching argument.
Argument Strength
You made a strong case for lowering the voting age by linking it to increased political participation and responsibility among teenagers.
Logical Structure
The structure of your essay logically flowed from one point to the next, aiding the reader's comprehension.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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