All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

The lifestyle of people has changed worldwide in the past few years. The most notable observation from
this
change is the increased number of individuals with
obesity
.
This
trend is predominantly caused by alternative
food
options that
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
in a poor diet, which can
cause
numerous medical implications.
Hence
,
this
essay will examine the
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
and
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
of
obesity
. Alternative
food
options like fast
food
restaurants or pre-cooked
meals
can be a convenient and
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
option,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
these options will most likely
cause
obesity
when misused.
For example
, one meal at
McDonalds
Change noun form
Mcdonald's
Mcdonalds'
show examples
contains more calories than the average amount of calories an individual is recommended to consume daily.
Moreover
, most supermarkets nowadays sell pre-cooked
meals
that are unfortunately stacked with preservatives that can
also
lead to
obesity
.
Thus
, fast
food
restaurants and ready
meals
cause
a poor diet, which gives rise to
obesity
.
Obesity
can put enormous amounts of stress on the health of an individual.
For instance
, the medical board at Montana Hospital recently found that 80% of the cardiovascular patients at the hospital are overweight. Given
this
, patients with heart diseases,
due to
obesity
, are often accompanied
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
knee and back problems.
Hence
, there are serious medical effects that can hinder a person when overweight. In conclusion, fast
food
restaurants and pre-cooked
meals
can contribute to a poor diet, which will result in
obesity
if used excessively.
This
will eventually result in medical conditions that can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the lifestyle of a person. If
this
trend is not stopped,
then
more frequent medical complications will arise in the foreseeable future.
Submitted by jessicajreichel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Use
To improve your score further, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Content Development
Consider exploring a more diverse set of examples and evidence. While the examples you've provided are relevant, adding variety could deepen the analysis and make your arguments even stronger.
Grammar & Accuracy
Pay attention to occasional grammatical errors or typos. Proofreading your work can help you identify and correct these issues, ensuring a more polished and professional presentation.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both the causes and effects of obesity, providing a clear and comprehensive response to the task.
Structure
Your use of an introductory and concluding paragraph helps to frame your argument and provides a strong structure to your essay.
Content Support
You have successfully supported your main points with appropriate examples, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: