All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

#world #people #effects

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The lifestyle of people has changed worldwide in the past few years. The most notable observation from

this

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change is the increased number of individuals with

obesity

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This

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trend is predominantly caused by alternative

food

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options that

results

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result

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in a poor diet, which can

cause

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numerous medical implications.

Hence

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this

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essay will examine the

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cause

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causes

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and

effect

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effects

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obesity

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. Alternative

food

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options like fast

food

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restaurants or pre-cooked

meals

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can be a convenient and

time saving

Add a hyphen

time-saving

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option,

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however

Add a comma

however,

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these options will most likely

cause

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obesity

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when misused.

For example

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, one meal at

McDonalds

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Mcdonald's

Mcdonalds'

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contains more calories than the average amount of calories an individual is recommended to consume daily.

Moreover

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, most supermarkets nowadays sell pre-cooked

meals

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that are unfortunately stacked with preservatives that can

also

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lead to

obesity

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Thus

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, fast

food

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restaurants and ready

meals

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cause

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a poor diet, which gives rise to

obesity

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Obesity

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can put enormous amounts of stress on the health of an individual.

For instance

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, the medical board at Montana Hospital recently found that 80% of the cardiovascular patients at the hospital are overweight. Given

this

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, patients with heart diseases,

due to

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obesity

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, are often accompanied

with

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knee and back problems.

Hence

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, there are serious medical effects that can hinder a person when overweight. In conclusion, fast

food

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restaurants and pre-cooked

meals

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can contribute to a poor diet, which will result in

obesity

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if used excessively.

This

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will eventually result in medical conditions that can

effect

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affect

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the lifestyle of a person. If

this

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trend is not stopped,

then

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more frequent medical complications will arise in the foreseeable future.

Submitted by jessicajreichel on Sat Apr 06 2024

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Language Use

To improve your score further, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Content Development

Consider exploring a more diverse set of examples and evidence. While the examples you've provided are relevant, adding variety could deepen the analysis and make your arguments even stronger.

Grammar & Accuracy

Pay attention to occasional grammatical errors or typos. Proofreading your work can help you identify and correct these issues, ensuring a more polished and professional presentation.

Task Achievement

Your essay effectively addresses both the causes and effects of obesity, providing a clear and comprehensive response to the task.

Structure

Your use of an introductory and concluding paragraph helps to frame your argument and provides a strong structure to your essay.

Content Support

You have successfully supported your main points with appropriate examples, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

Your opinion

More and more adults are playing computer games. Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Some people think that schools should only teach academic subjects while others believe that they also teach life skills. Discuss both views and give examples.

Violence on television has a negative impact on children’s behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The bar char below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular Europain country in the yearsof 2000, 2005 and 2010.

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?