IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

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The lifestyle of people has changed worldwide in the past few years. The most notable observation from
this
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 change is the increased number of individuals with
obesity
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.
This
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 trend is predominantly caused by alternative
food
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 options that
results
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result
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 in a poor diet, which can
cause
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 numerous medical implications.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay will examine the
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cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
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 and
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 of
obesity
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. Alternative
food
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 options like fast
food
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 restaurants or pre-cooked
meals
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 can be a convenient and
time saving
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time-saving
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 option,
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however
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however,
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 these options will most likely
cause
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obesity
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 when misused.
For example
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, one meal at
McDonalds
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Mcdonald's
Mcdonalds'
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 contains more calories than the average amount of calories an individual is recommended to consume daily.
Moreover
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, most supermarkets nowadays sell pre-cooked
meals
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 that are unfortunately stacked with preservatives that can
also
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 lead to
obesity
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.
Thus
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, fast
food
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 restaurants and ready
meals
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cause
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 a poor diet, which gives rise to
obesity
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.
Obesity
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 can put enormous amounts of stress on the health of an individual.
For instance
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, the medical board at Montana Hospital recently found that 80% of the cardiovascular patients at the hospital are overweight. Given
this
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, patients with heart diseases,
due to
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obesity
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, are often accompanied
with
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by
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 knee and back problems.
Hence
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, there are serious medical effects that can hinder a person when overweight. In conclusion, fast
food
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 restaurants and pre-cooked
meals
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 can contribute to a poor diet, which will result in
obesity
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 if used excessively.
This
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 will eventually result in medical conditions that can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 the lifestyle of a person. If
this
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 trend is not stopped,
then
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 more frequent medical complications will arise in the foreseeable future.

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Language Use
To improve your score further, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Content Development
Consider exploring a more diverse set of examples and evidence. While the examples you've provided are relevant, adding variety could deepen the analysis and make your arguments even stronger.
Grammar & Accuracy
Pay attention to occasional grammatical errors or typos. Proofreading your work can help you identify and correct these issues, ensuring a more polished and professional presentation.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both the causes and effects of obesity, providing a clear and comprehensive response to the task.
Structure
Your use of an introductory and concluding paragraph helps to frame your argument and provides a strong structure to your essay.
Content Support
You have successfully supported your main points with appropriate examples, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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