There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.1.
In our contemporary society, the phenomenon of achieving success in academic life under
the
pressure has been a subject of debate with controversial approaches. Some people claim that Correct article usage
apply
subjects
which do not have any positive impacts on individuals’ academic lives and knowledge should be taken off from the school systems, however
, I am not at
the same side with them. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will elucidate both aspects and try to give a reasonable conclusion from my viewpoint.
First and foremost, proponents of the idea which is about Change preposition
on
to remove
non-academic Change the verb form
removing
subjects
from school
syllabus allege that these Correct article usage
the school
subjects
do not matter in pupils’ education, they see these kinds of classes as a waste of time. For instance
, students
who participate in these classes can be attracted by these kind
of activities, Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
as
a result Correct word choice
and as
of
Change preposition
apply
it
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
students
may ignore other subjects
in order to show great performances and enhance their skills related to these fields. Moreover
, if someone has innate skills and is the best among their peers, they can be directed to these sectors by the
professionals, and in the long Correct article usage
apply
run
they will not have any time for their education.
Add a comma
run,
Turing
to the other side of the coin, it is an inevitable fact that Correct your spelling
Turning
importance
of co-educational branches of study Correct article usage
the importance
are
various. To exemplify, Change the verb form
is
students
need breaks and refresh their minds between tiring classes to concentrate on each subject well, while
some can do it easily during the breaks, for others engaging in physical activities can be more effective as it promotes some individuals with a sense of fulfilment, relaxation and being away from the stress. Additionally
, naturally gifted students
can gain experience and improve their skills by attending these kinds of branches.
In conclusion, after being manifested both points, while
some people are convinced that the subjects
which are not related to academic studies should be eliminated from the list of subjects
, I am absolutely against to
Change preposition
apply
this
attitude. From my point of view, all subjects
are important for students
and it is ideal to strike a balance between both academic and physical courses of study.Submitted by writingbhos on
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Task Achievement
Consider providing more varied, concrete examples supporting your arguments. While your reasoning is strong, specific real-world examples can enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence, ensure transitions between paragraphs and sentences are smooth. Your essay shows a clear logical structure, but employing a wider range of linking words can further improve readability.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively frame your argument.
Task Achievement
You've successfully balanced the discussion of both viewpoints before presenting your own stance, demonstrating a comprehensive approach to the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs each focusing on a specific point. This clarity aids in understanding and makes your argument more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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