IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Governments should discourage people from constantly buying more up to date or fashionable products. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#world #resources #products #governments #people #date
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It is a well-established fact that
people
Use synonyms
 use natural resources faster than they can be renewed, and
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason it is important for the government to discourage
people
Use synonyms
 from buying up-to-date and fashionable products, and
instead
Linking Words
 encourage them to buy more
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
 products. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea and there are two principal reasons for
this
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. One point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that after some time all the natural resources will be gone and it will have a huge negative impact not only on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 the lifestyle of
people
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 on the world economy because a
lot
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 of companies will suffer from
this
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 and more
people
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 will be unemployed. Several examples can be
which serve
Verb problem
used
show examples
 to illustrate
this
Linking Words
 point. There have been published a
lot
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 of articles on
this
Linking Words
 topic, too. As an example, deforestation in South America has become a huge issue and a
lot
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 of
people
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 are concerned about it. Because without forests more animals will be distinct and of course, the absence of trees would affect
people
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, too. Adding
further
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 credibility to the statement brings to an idea of fluctuations in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 of the world. Admittedly, it will lead a
lot
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 of companies to bankruptcy and more
people
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 will suffer from unemployment.
To sum up
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, by taking into account all the
above mentioned
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above-mentioned
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 reasons, I once again reaffirm my position that it is important for the government to encourage
people
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 to use
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
 products because in
this
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 case, the natural resources would be renewed.
Submitted by intiqam.hasanov on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to make your main points clearer and more distinct from each other. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion clearly reflect the main arguments of your essay, reinforcing your stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
You effectively communicated your agreement with the statement and provided reasons to support your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Your use of an example, such as deforestation in South America, helps ground your argument in real-world issues.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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