being slim is associated with fashion. do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

The extreme
Correct article usage
Extreme
show examples
thinness is nowadays considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
fashion. I reckon that it is a wrong trend and it should be discontinued.
Otherwise
, it could result in serious consequences for
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
of an individual
as well as
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
promote wrong trends in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
To begin
with, the media is overwhelmed with the
extraordinary
Change the word
extraordinarily
show examples
slim model culture. It causes a plethora of negative implications in the
society
. At
first,
it promotes objectification of the
women
.
Women
are demonstrated as the only tool that encourages fashionable clothing trends among
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
. It could cause
lowering
Correct article usage
a lowering
show examples
of the status of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
to lesser individuals
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
For instance
, the fashion industry
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
women
under extreme
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
of long working hours and
exploit
Correct subject-verb agreement
exploits
show examples
them with lesser wages.
Furthermore
, these
women
also
have to stay hungry for
extreme
Change the article
an extreme
the extreme
show examples
number of hours. It causes numerous eating disorders
such
as
bulemia
Correct your spelling
bulimia
and anorexia.
Consequently
, it causes them to suffer malnutrition and immunity disorders.
This
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
psychological diseases.
Finally
, the pressure on the health system increases which could be avoided.
To conclude
, the extreme slimness in the mass media has negative consequences on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
and the well-being of a person.
Hence
, I reaffirm that it should never be
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary individuals.
Submitted by DIANA on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Start by presenting your argument more clearly in the introduction, ensuring to answer the question directly. Mention whether you view it as a positive or negative trend explicitly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. While you've mentioned conditions like bulimia and anorexia, giving real-world instances or more detailed scenarios can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using a broader range of linking words and transitional phrases. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure for improved clarity. Each paragraph should ideally open with a clear topic sentence, followed by evidence or examples, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes or links back to the main argument.
task achievement
Addressed the prompt with a clear stance, recognizing it as a negative trend.
task achievement
Your essay engages with relevant societal and health issues, contributing to a multifaceted argument.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay maintains a logical structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: