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Band 4

Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller town

#cities #people #governments #town
Population is increasing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
megacities
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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.
Thus
,
habitants
Correct your spelling
habitats
show examples
 have had some issues in large
cities
.
This
 essay will discuss the two solutions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem including diminishing fresh water and
good quality
Add a hyphen
good-quality
show examples
 housing. The solutions will be discussed later in the paragraphs. On the one hand,
people
 are coming from urban areas to the metropolitan. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 cars are rising in the big
cities
 and it has led to
reduce
Replace the word
a reduction
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rain
in addition
 global warming helps to increase these problems.
Therefore
, aquifers are faced with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of water.
Additionally
,
governments
 do not spend money filtrating water from rivers.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 issue is immigration
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
 from urban areas to
cities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 led to
decline
Add an article
the decline
a decline
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 good quality housing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living.
However
, population increase has caused to lack of ground for building houses,
therefore
;
people
 should live in horizontal houses with small
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
people
 are coming to
cities
 with attractive advertisements.
However
, the government should encourage more
people
 to stay in small
cities
.
For example
, it can allocate subsidies to farmers for buying farms and nurturing local animals.
Furthermore
,
governments
 play a vital role in managing problems in large
cities
.
For instance
, it can encourage
people
 to use public transportation
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
declining
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 air pollution and global warming.
To sum up
, generally, population increases have substantial
governments
 from
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 to the present.
Subsequently
,
governments
 should allocate funds to managing
people
 for imposing some likely issues.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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Introduction
Consider a clearer and more detailed introduction that directly addresses all aspects of the question. While you've introduced the topic, making your stance and proposed solutions clearer from the beginning could enhance your essay's impact.
Support & Examples
Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points. Adding real-life scenarios or statistical evidence can make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
Clarity
Work on the clarity of your arguments. Some sentences could be simplified or made more direct to effectively convey your ideas to the reader.
Terminology consistency
Review the essay for consistency in terminology. For example, the use of 'urban areas' and 'cities' can be confusing. Clarifying these terms can help in maintaining coherence throughout your essay.
Vocabulary
You have a good range of vocabulary which helps in expressing your ideas.
Structure
The essay structure is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Content Balance
Effort to address both issues and solutions within the essay is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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