Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller town
Population is increasing in
the
megacities Correct article usage
apply
everyday
. Replace the word
every day
Thus
, habitants
have had some issues in large Correct your spelling
habitats
cities
. This
essay will discuss the two solutions for
Change preposition
to
this
problem including diminishing fresh water and good quality
housing. The solutions will be discussed later in the paragraphs.
On the one hand, Add a hyphen
good-quality
people
are coming from urban areas to the metropolitan. Since,
cars are rising in the big Remove the comma
apply
cities
and it has led to reduce
Replace the word
a reduction
of
rain Change preposition
in
in addition
global warming helps to increase these problems. Therefore
, aquifers are faced with lack
of water. Correct article usage
a lack
Additionally
, governments
do not spend money filtrating water from rivers. Other
issue is immigration Change the wording
Another
individuals
from urban areas to Change preposition
of individuals
cities
have
led to Correct subject-verb agreement
has
decline
Add an article
the decline
a decline
of
good quality housing Change preposition
in
for
living. Change preposition
apply
However
, population increase has caused to lack of ground for building houses, therefore
; people
should live in horizontal houses with small space
.
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
On the other hand
, people
are coming to cities
with attractive advertisements. However
, the government should encourage more people
to stay in small cities
. For example
, it can allocate subsidies to farmers for buying farms and nurturing local animals. Furthermore
, governments
play a vital role in managing problems in large cities
. For instance
, it can encourage people
to use public transportation for
Change preposition
to
declining
air pollution and global warming.
Verb problem
reduce
To sum up
, generally, population increases have substantial governments
from past
to the present. Correct article usage
the past
Subsequently
, governments
should allocate funds to managing people
for imposing some likely issues.Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction
Consider a clearer and more detailed introduction that directly addresses all aspects of the question. While you've introduced the topic, making your stance and proposed solutions clearer from the beginning could enhance your essay's impact.
Support & Examples
Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points. Adding real-life scenarios or statistical evidence can make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
Clarity
Work on the clarity of your arguments. Some sentences could be simplified or made more direct to effectively convey your ideas to the reader.
Terminology consistency
Review the essay for consistency in terminology. For example, the use of 'urban areas' and 'cities' can be confusing. Clarifying these terms can help in maintaining coherence throughout your essay.
Vocabulary
You have a good range of vocabulary which helps in expressing your ideas.
Structure
The essay structure is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Content Balance
Effort to address both issues and solutions within the essay is commendable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!