IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The plans illustrate that a society
garden
 was opened in 1920 and it has been replaced some things in the same park now.
Overall
, it has some new features and facilities are established In today's plan but the minor changes have restored a few things.
However
, now there's a water feature on the right side of Eldon Street's
garden
entrance
 and the underground car parking is built below
this
.
Moreover
, the rose
garden
 is constructed origin of the park and some seats are established around it.
In addition
, the amphitheatre for concerts is built left of the centre and one other rose
garden
 is behind the theatre. The cafe and children’s play area are near the second
entrance
 of Arnold Avenue.
Furthermore
, in 1920, from the Eldon Street
entrance
, the glass house was right side and on the left-hand was the rose place.
Additionally
, two other rose gardens were beside the second
entrance
 and the pond for water plants was right corner near the red area. The fountain was the centre of the park and the stage of musicians was left of
this
. Seats were available at each facility and the entry gates were the same in both plans.
Submitted by psingh8059 on

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Introduction
Begin with an introduction that provides a brief overview of the changes in the park from 1920 to the present, without getting into specific details right away.
Structure
Use paragraphing to structure your response into clear sections. For example, one paragraph for the general overview, another for describing the changes, and perhaps a conclusion to summarize.
Sentence Variety
Include a wider variety of sentence structures to improve readability and coherence. This involves using both complex and simple sentences.
Use of Language
Be careful with terminology. Instead of saying 'replaced some things,' be more specific and direct, such as 'underwent several modifications.'
Comparisons
Be specific in your comparisons and use comparison language (e.g., 'whereas,' 'in contrast,' 'unlike'). This will help highlight differences between the park in 1920 and today more effectively.
Content
You effectively listed many features that have changed or been added to the park over time, showing a good deal of observation.
Comparison
You've made a commendable effort to compare the park's features from 1920 to the present day.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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