IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people today would argue that cinemas are becoming irrelevant due to new streaming services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cinemas #services
nowadays, There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of
alternative
Change to a plural noun
alternatives
show examples
 to
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 shows . Where are going to watch in cinemas or streaming
services
 , I believe that watching on streaming much be cheaper and better than watching in
theatres
.
To begin
 with, watching shows on streaming
services
 is much cheaper than going to
theatres
. Nowadays, streaming
services
 are available at much more affordable.
For instance
, the Disney+Hostar streaming service is available at just 10$ per month, which is the cost of a single show over many cinemas. Streaming app subscriptions are available at a lower price if we purchase them
along with
sim
Correct article usage
a sim
show examples
 plan.
For example
, Obtus offer you
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 mobile plan with
Correct article usage
a netfix
show examples
netfix
Correct your spelling
Netflix
 stream to use for 1 year for free With the cost of a single movie, we can keep watching many shows for the entire year.
Hence
, watching over streaming platforms saves money and is better than
theatres
.
Moreover
, it is more comfortable to watch over streaming apps than in
theatres
. We can manage any show by sitting on the type of chair we like or on the bed. We are no longer bound by the time we watch on streaming apps.
Hence
 we can watch it whenever we want. In my opinion, I can play, pause, rewind, forward, increase and decrease in speed.
For example
, if I love
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 movie but don’t know that language well, it
also
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 me to learn
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 language
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can reduce the speed to slowly more
unstand
Correct your spelling
understand
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
. In conclusion , I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree
that
Change preposition
with
show examples
 streaming
services
 . it will increasing
popular
Replace the word
popularity
show examples
 than
theatres
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 save time and money to watch in streaming apps.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 support to use
streaming
Change preposition
of streaming
show examples
Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on

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Task Achievement
While your essay provides a clear response, expanding on the relevance of cinemas today could further strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and complex.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and typos. Proofreading can help improve the clarity and credibility of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively uses examples and explanations to support your viewpoint, making your argument stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear division between paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point.
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