Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.
Some
people
say earn
Wrong verb form
earning
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
money
with less free time
is beneficial
rather than earning minimum Correct quantifier usage
more beneficial
money
with more free time
. In my opinion, big
amount of Add an article
a big
the big
money
will led
Change the verb form
lead
people
to enjoying
their free Change the verb form
enjoy
time
although
the time
is not much.
To begin
with, earning much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
money
with less free time
have
some benefits. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
First,
it will increase the quality of free time
that people
had
because they
will Wrong verb form
have
had
more Change the verb form
have
oppurtunities
to fully their needs by having Correct your spelling
opportunities
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
money
. Second,
people
could had
Change the verb form
have
an
fascinating holiday. Change the article
a
For example
, an individual with much money
can go
travel Verb problem
apply
to
everywhere Change preposition
apply
while
some individuals with less money
could not
.
Wrong verb form
cannot
On the other hand
, earning less money
with more free time
have
some drawbacks. Change the verb form
has
First,
people
tend to fullfil
their needs Correct your spelling
fulfil
especially
having Add the comma(s)
, especially
best
vacation
where it Add an article
the best
is needs
Change the verb form
needs
amount
of Add an article
an amount
the amount
money
. Second,
people
with less money
don't have same
opportunities as Correct article usage
the same
people
with more money
. For example
, if an individual want
to buy Change the verb form
wants
the
tersier things Correct article usage
apply
such
as brand new mobile phone, car, etc they have limited options.
To
Change preposition
In
the
conclusion, Correct article usage
apply
people
that
Correct word choice
who
having
much Wrong verb form
have
money
with less free time
is
way Correct subject-verb agreement
are
more
better rather than Change the word
apply
people
with more time
but in
less Change preposition
with
of
Change preposition
apply
money
.
However
, some people
believes
that Change the verb form
believe
money
can't buy happiness. So, they prefer to have more time
rather than more money
because having much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
time
is priceless.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs and sentences to improve the flow of ideas further.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to discuss contrasting views with equal depth and provide a more balanced analysis.
language
Watch out for repetitive phrase use (e.g., “much money with less free time”) and aim for more varied language to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You've done well to discuss both views on the topic, which is central to fully answering the essay prompt.
task achievement
Your use of examples enhances your argument, showing application of your ideas in real-life contexts.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!