IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 say
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 with less free
time
Use synonyms
 is
beneficial
Correct quantifier usage
more beneficial
show examples
 rather than earning minimum
money
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 1
with more free
time
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 will
led
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
enjoying
Change the verb form
enjoy
show examples
 their free
time
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 the
time
Use synonyms
 is not much.
Body paragraph 2
To begin
Linking Words
 with, earning
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 with less free
time
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some benefits.
First,
Linking Words
it will increase the quality of free
time
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 because they
Body paragraph 3
will
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to fully their needs by having
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 could
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 fascinating holiday.
For example
Linking Words
, an individual with much
money
Use synonyms
 can
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
travel
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere
while
Linking Words
 some individuals with less
money
Use synonyms
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
.
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
Linking Words
, earning less
money
Use synonyms
 with more free
time
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some drawbacks.
First,
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 tend to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their needs
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 having
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
 vacation
Body paragraph 5
where it
is needs
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
amount
Add an article
an amount
the amount
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 with less
money
Use synonyms
 don't have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 opportunities as
people
Use synonyms
 with more
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if an individual
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tersier things
such
Linking Words
 as brand new mobile phone, car, etc they have limited options.
Body paragraph 6
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
who
show examples
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 much
money
Use synonyms
 with less free
time
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 way
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better rather than
people
Use synonyms
 with more
time
Use synonyms
 but
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
money
Use synonyms
 can't buy happiness. So, they prefer to have more
time
Use synonyms
 rather than more
money
Use synonyms
 because having
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 is priceless.

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coherence cohesion
Consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs and sentences to improve the flow of ideas further.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to discuss contrasting views with equal depth and provide a more balanced analysis.
language
Watch out for repetitive phrase use (e.g., “much money with less free time”) and aim for more varied language to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You've done well to discuss both views on the topic, which is central to fully answering the essay prompt.
task achievement
Your use of examples enhances your argument, showing application of your ideas in real-life contexts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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