Some people believe that women should play an equal role as Men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for this kind of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is whether the role of
women
in the army will remain the same, as the current discussion about the army calls into question. Whereas
there are people who assert that only men should join the military, I strongly disagree. A woman should be given equal opportunities at
the army, navy, Change preposition
in
as well as
air force wherever men are. They actually become the factors that chase increase
in expertise and cognition for armed Correct article usage
an increase
forces
alongside of
the achievements of a myriad of diverse skills and points of view. There's something within us that allows us to ignore sex as the defining trait for strength.
Remove the preposition
apply
Firstly
, allowing women
into the military expands the talent pool available to the armed forces
. Research has concluded that female competence empowered by technical knowledge and strategic thinking does not differ from their male counterparts. Amidst the age of highly complicated armed conflicts that incorporate intelligence activities, cyber defense
, and supply chains, children's capabilities become a a tremendous resource. In militarization, a larger Change the spelling
defence
overall
field for selection leads to better decision making
and Add a hyphen
decision-making
therefore
, mission success achieved.
Furthermore
, women
bring a different perspective to the table, fostering a more well-rounded military. Women
are likely to be good at the
teamwork, communication, and relationship-building, traits that are highly required in a business. These skills are the main ones that characterize the modern military regime, where troops stand in ranks with each other and the task is completed under the command of a single commander. Correct article usage
apply
Women
as well can become very important in peace operations and function as emissaries to neutralize the confrontational situation by
the unique ability to earn local trust. Military units train extensively to build trust and teamwork, regardless of gender. In fact, studies have shown that Change preposition
through
women
in combat units can boost morale and improve overall
performance.
In summary, all the information mentioned earlier has factual evidences
that Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
let
us Wrong verb form
lets
into having
Wrong verb form
have
women
serving in the military which strong
the armed Replace the word
strengthens
forces
in
different levels Change preposition
at
such
as widening of
Change preposition
apply
potentials
, making the Fix the agreement mistake
potential
forces
more balanced and showing the country
commitment to equalityChange noun form
country's
respectively
. The moment has come when anachronistic gender notions and the recognition of Rephrase
apply
the
national Correct article usage
apply
security
substantial contributions by Change noun form
security's
women
should be missed.Submitted by dnm.best on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity and precision in conveying ideas. Some sections use complex sentences that may cloud the main argument. Consider simplifying these to maintain clarity throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of discourse markers to improve the overall flow and connectivity of your essay. While the essay is well structured, using varied connectors could enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
While discussing both views and elaborating on your opinion, try to maintain a balanced discussion. Ensure you are presenting both sides thoroughly before concluding with your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
To further strengthen your arguments, consider including more specific examples and data to support your points. Real-world case studies or statistics can enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've done an excellent job of introducing and concluding your essay, providing a strong framework for your arguments.
Task Achievement
You've shown a clear understanding of the topic and articulated your viewpoint effectively. Your essay demonstrates comprehensive exploration of the subject.
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