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Band 5.5

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In the realm of education, the question of whether
students
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 perform better under a system of
rewards
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 or
punishments
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 has long been debated.
While
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 some argue that
rewards
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 serve as better motivators, others contend that
punishment
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 can effectively deter undesirable
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint. On one hand, proponents of the reward-based system assert that positive reinforcement fosters a conducive learning environment. By offering incentives
such
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 as praise, recognition, or tangible
rewards
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 like certificates or prizes,
students
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 are encouraged to excel academically.
This
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approach
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 capitalizes on the psychology of motivation, as it taps into
students
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' innate desire for approval and success. When
students
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 feel valued and appreciated for their efforts, they are more likely to remain engaged in their studies and strive for continuous improvement.
Moreover
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,
rewards
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 can help cultivate a positive attitude towards learning. When
students
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 associate academic achievements with positive outcomes, they develop a sense of accomplishment and self-efficacy.
This
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, in turn, bolsters their self-esteem and confidence, empowering them to tackle academic challenges with enthusiasm and resilience.
Consequently
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, a reward-based system not only enhances academic performance but
also
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 nurtures holistic development by fostering a growth mindset and a love for learning.
On the other hand
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, proponents of the
punishment
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-based
approach
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 argue that consequences are necessary to deter undesirable
behaviors
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behaviours
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 and
instill
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instil
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 discipline. By imposing penalties
such
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 as detention, loss of privileges, or negative feedback, educators aim to correct misconduct and maintain order in the classroom. Advocates of
this
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 view contend that
punishment
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 serves as a deterrent, as
students
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 are inclined to avoid undesirable consequences by adhering to rules and regulations.
Furthermore
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,
punishment
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 is perceived by some as a means of preparing
students
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 for real-world accountability. In professional and social spheres, individuals are held responsible for their actions, and undesirable
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 often incurs consequences.
Therefore
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, proponents of the
punishment
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-based
approach
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 argue that experiencing the repercussions of their actions in a controlled educational setting can impart valuable life lessons and
instill
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instil
show examples
 a sense of responsibility in
students
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.
However
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, despite the merits of both approaches, I believe that a balanced combination of
rewards
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 and
punishments
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 yields the most
favorable
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favourable
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 outcomes in education.
While
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rewards
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 serve as effective motivators and reinforce positive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
punishment
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 can be necessary to address instances of misconduct and uphold discipline.
Nevertheless
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, it is imperative that
punishments
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 are administered judiciously and accompanied by constructive feedback, aiming not to shame or demoralize
students
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 but to guide them towards
behavioral
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behavioural
show examples
 improvement. In conclusion, the debate surrounding the efficacy of
rewards
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 versus
punishments
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 in enhancing academic performance is multifaceted.
While
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rewards
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 capitalize on motivation and positive reinforcement,
punishment
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 aims to deter misconduct and
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 discipline.
However
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, a balanced
approach
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 that integrates both strategies is essential to cultivate a conducive learning environment that fosters academic excellence and holistic development in
students
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Consider incorporating specific examples or studies to further bolster your arguments. This could provide concrete evidence to support the benefits of a reward-based system or the effectiveness of punishments in certain scenarios.
Task Achievement
For an even stronger essay, you might explore a wider range of perspectives or delve deeper into potential drawbacks or limitations of each approach.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to maintain a balance in the development of both sides of the argument to ensure a comprehensive discussion before stating your final opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures further to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence and to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
You effectively explored both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before stating your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that thoroughly explore each view, and a conclusive paragraph summarizing your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
The use of transitional phrases and cohesive devices effectively guides the reader through your arguments, enhancing the readability and flow of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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