IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The goverment should sometimes infringe on people's freedom for the security of society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#goverment #people #freedom #security #society
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It is
common
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a common
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 belief that the idea of intruding upon individual liberties is abhorrent.
However
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, I firmly believe that one's
freedom
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 should be violated by the
goverment
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government
 when the
flimate
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ultimate
climate
 purpose is to prevent potential dangers and to ensure that
safety
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 regulations are being observed. First of all, the infringement of
people
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's liberties can be Justified when protecting
people
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 from danger is the main priority. Given the recent increase in violence throughout the world, measure potential attacks must be taken to prevent
such
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 as those committed by terrorists.
For instance
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, in order to prevent bombings or the transport of dangerous materials, airports around the world conduct security checks on
people
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 and their belongings. Even though
this
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 is intrusive and a violation of personal space, it is necessary to protect everyone from harm.
Therefore
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, when
this
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 is the intention
goverment
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government
 agencies and public
insiter
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apply
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institutions should have the right to carry out
Searchers
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searches
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 and trespass on one's privacy. On top of that, the
goverment
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government
an
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can
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 violate an individual's right to
freedom
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 in order to make
Sure
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sure
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 that
safety
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 regulations are followed. Certain Jobs can endanger innocent
people
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's lives when employees do not act
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safety
Replace the word
safely
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 and responsibly. In
this
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 regard, it is important to ensure that these employees follow
safety
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 rules even if their rights are infringed upon during the process. Take the example of school bus drivers and pilots. If they are not functioning at full capacity, they will not be able to perform
there
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their
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 tasks
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safety
Replace the word
safely
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.
Thus
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, it is acceptable to make them undergo random medical tests to ensure they are healthy and capable.
This
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 is necessary to guarantee that these
people
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 are not putting the lives of others in Jeopardy.
To sum up
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, intruding on
people
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's
freedom
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 is inevitable if
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 are to protect society from threats and make
Sure
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sure
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 that individuals are following the necessary rules. For these reasons, imposing
on
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apply
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individual
freedom
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 is Sometimes necessary.
Submitted by thanhannguyen2209 on

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Sentence Structure
Try to use a more varied range of sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing.
Spelling and Grammar
Be mindful of small spelling and grammar errors, such as 'goverment' (government), 'flimate' (ultimate), 'Searchers' (searches), 'insiter' (institutions), 'an' (can), and 'there' (their). Correct spelling aids in clearer communication.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate transition phrases more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them.
Content
Your essay provided a balanced view on the topic, presenting clear arguments for government intervention in certain circumstances.
Examples
The real-world examples (airport security checks, medical tests for bus drivers and pilots) effectively support your arguments.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up the points you've raised and restates your position, which helps in clearly communicating your standpoint to the reader.
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