Nowadays television and the Internet have a greater influence on children's behavior than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years social media
spreaded
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spread
show examples
out all over the world and in some
cases
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cases,
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it creates a social
dellima
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dilemma
.
While
,
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apply
show examples
some
poeple
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people
believe that
this new phenomena
Change the determiner
this new phenomenon
these new phenomena
show examples
could affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
childrens
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children's
children
behavoir
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behaviour
more than their parent some
other
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others
show examples
do not accept
this
opinion. In
this
essay
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essay,
show examples
I will
disuss
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discuss
both views and I assert my idea
hence
I believe
childrens
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children
children's
influencity
Correct your spelling
influence
is far greater on
TV
and
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
rather than
parents
Change preposition
on parents
show examples
. First of all, it is obvious nowadays by almost all of us that media have many attractions for everyone including
children
.
Also
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Also,
show examples
there are many celebrities
Correct pronoun usage
who becomes
show examples
becomes
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become
show examples
very well-known
demonstarate
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demonstrate
charming
behavoirs
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behaviours
and pull everyone toward themselves.
This
leads to the fact that most of
beliefs
Correct article usage
the beliefs
show examples
and speeches that
comes
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come
show examples
out of
such
gadgets
makes
Verb problem
have
show examples
more robust effects on
children
. The more
children
influenced
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are influenced
show examples
by media, the less they care about
parents
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parents'
parent's
show examples
protocols.
For
instance
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instance,
show examples
most of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
cultures and lifestyles that
advertised
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are advertised
show examples
in
TV
shows or by other influencers
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
to
change
Wrong verb form
changes
show examples
in the mindset of
children
. Another reason
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
could be the
time
that is
dedicated by
children
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
surfing
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
or watching
TV
. Obviously, as
time
Add an article
a time
the time
show examples
of using
this
increased more
powerfull
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powerful
effects could
happened
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happen
show examples
.
Moreover
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children
do not like
thier
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their
parents
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parent's
parents'
show examples
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
maybe use more
time
on
TV
or
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
and suddenly they find themselves drawn
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
another world.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
viewpoint becomes
unfamliliar
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unfamiliar
and unacceptable for them. Take an iranain singer as the most potently example, that he invited young men and women to
using
Change the verb form
use
show examples
drug
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drugs
show examples
and some
inappropriatte
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inappropriate
manners that
becomes
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
very
controversal
Correct your spelling
controversial
and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the same
time
a lot of teenagers
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
his fan
while
his methods
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
not acceptable
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
anyone all over the world. In short,
TV
and
internet
programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
and ideas could readily penetrate into
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
and change
traditions
Correct article usage
the traditions
show examples
of every
socierty
Correct your spelling
society
. In some
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
maybe it was helpful but, having suitable control
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
it is
neccesary
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necessary
otherwise
, we should
excpect
Correct your spelling
expect
maybe some dire consequences and
also
problematic ones.
Submitted by Saeed201271 on

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task response
You provided a clear stance, but ensure all paragraphs align directly with your main argument without deviating in focus.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve flow and coherence.
grammar
Proofread to correct spelling errors (e.g., 'social dilemma,' 'behavior,' 'children's') and grammar mistakes for a more polished essay.
task response
Use more concrete and specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the relevance and impact.
introduction
Your introduction provides a good overview of the topic and clearly sets the stage for discussion.
balanced argument
You've made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which is commendable and necessary for a balanced essay.

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