Nowadays television and the Internet have a greater influence on children's behavior than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years social media
spreaded
out all over the world and in some Correct your spelling
spread
cases
it creates a social Add a comma
cases,
dellima
. Correct your spelling
dilemma
While
,
some Remove the comma
apply
poeple
believe that Correct your spelling
people
this new phenomena
could affect Change the determiner
this new phenomenon
these new phenomena
on
Change preposition
apply
childrens
Correct your spelling
children's
children
behavoir
more than their parent some Correct your spelling
behaviour
other
do not accept Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
opinion. In this
essay
I will Add a comma
essay,
disuss
both views and I assert my idea Correct your spelling
discuss
hence
I believe childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
influencity
is far greater on Correct your spelling
influence
TV
and Correct article usage
the internet
internet
rather than Capitalize word
Internet
parents
.
First of all, it is obvious nowadays by almost all of us that media have many attractions for everyone including Change preposition
on parents
children
. Also
there are many celebrities Add a comma
Also,
Correct pronoun usage
who becomes
becomes
very well-known Correct subject-verb agreement
become
demonstarate
charming Correct your spelling
demonstrate
behavoirs
and pull everyone toward themselves. Correct your spelling
behaviours
This
leads to the fact that most of beliefs
and speeches that Correct article usage
the beliefs
comes
out of Change the verb form
come
such
gadgets makes
more robust effects on Verb problem
have
children
. The more children
influenced
by media, the less they care about Add a missing verb
are influenced
parents
protocols. Change noun form
parents'
parent's
For
instance
most of Add a comma
instance,
new
cultures and lifestyles that Correct article usage
the new
advertised
in Add a missing verb
are advertised
TV
shows or by other influencers leads
to Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
change
in the mindset of Wrong verb form
changes
children
.
Another reason,
could be the Remove the comma
apply
time
that is
dedicated by children
in
surfing Change preposition
to
internet
or watching Correct article usage
the internet
TV
. Obviously, as time
of using Add an article
a time
the time
this
increased more powerfull
effects could Correct your spelling
powerful
happened
. Change the verb form
happen
Moreover
, sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
that
Correct word choice
apply
children
do not like thier
Correct your spelling
their
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
advices
maybe use more Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
time
on TV
or Correct article usage
the internet
internet
and suddenly they find themselves drawn Capitalize word
Internet
in
another world. Change preposition
into
In
addition
their Add a comma
addition,
parents
viewpoint becomes Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
unfamliliar
and unacceptable for them. Take an iranain singer as the most potently example, that he invited young men and women to Correct your spelling
unfamiliar
using
Change the verb form
use
drug
and some Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
inappropriatte
manners that Correct your spelling
inappropriate
becomes
very Wrong verb form
became
controversal
and Correct your spelling
controversial
in
the same Change preposition
at
time
a lot of teenagers are
his fan Wrong verb form
were
while
his methods was
not acceptable Change the verb form
were
by
anyone all over the world.
In short, Change preposition
to
TV
and internet
programms
and ideas could readily penetrate into Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
mind
and change Fix the agreement mistake
minds
traditions
of every Correct article usage
the traditions
socierty
. In some Correct your spelling
society
aspect
maybe it was helpful but, having suitable control Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
on
it is Change preposition
over
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
otherwise
, we should excpect
maybe some dire consequences and Correct your spelling
expect
also
problematic ones.Submitted by Saeed201271 on
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task response
You provided a clear stance, but ensure all paragraphs align directly with your main argument without deviating in focus.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve flow and coherence.
grammar
Proofread to correct spelling errors (e.g., 'social dilemma,' 'behavior,' 'children's') and grammar mistakes for a more polished essay.
task response
Use more concrete and specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the relevance and impact.
introduction
Your introduction provides a good overview of the topic and clearly sets the stage for discussion.
balanced argument
You've made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which is commendable and necessary for a balanced essay.
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