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Band 5

Most cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to massive increase in population. This has lead to a general decline in the quality of life in the city area, as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solution to this problem.

#cities #world #rate #population #decline #quality #life #city #area #environment #growth
The luxurious
life
 in major cities attracted a lot of people.
Consequently
, overcrowding and pollution
ruins
Change the verb form
ruin
show examples
 the well-being of the occupants and their environment. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons why there is
continuous
Add an article
a continuous
the continuous
show examples
 increase in the population
, at
Correct word choice
and, at
show examples
 the same time,
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 measures of how it can be controlled.
To begin
 with, the surge in urban population is a result of poor
birth
 control and urbanization. The party
life
 in the cities involves drugs and alcohol
subsequently
 resulting in unprotected sex.
This
 results in unwanted pregnancy and
uncontrolled
Correct article usage
an uncontrolled
show examples
birth
 rate.
For example
, the city of New York demonstrated the highest
birth
 rate as revealed in a recent study.
Furthermore
,
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 education and
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
 of
life
 has attracted individuals from rural areas.
For instance
, a survey revealed that 80% of people moving into the city
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 to seek better education.
However
, there are effective solutions that can be put in place to suppress the problem. Starting a family planning campaign can reduce
incidence
Add an article
the incidence
show examples
 of unplanned pregnancy which will
subsequently
 decrease the reproduction rate.
For instance
, placing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
condoms readily available in hotels and nightclubs makes choices for partners to prevent unexpected fertilization.
Additionally
, increasing the cost of living will discourage families in rural areas from moving into developed cities.
For example
, the expensive cost of accommodation in Sydney has caused people to choose Melbourne for settlement as shown on a national poll. In conclusion, a decline in quality of
life
 in developed areas is a
consequences
Change the noun form
consequence
show examples
 of crowding and pollution. The growth is related to
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
birth
 control and urbanization. Increasing
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of living and establishing family planning measures can settle these problems.
Submitted by halaapiapi1984 on

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task response
Be cautious of oversimplified explanations for complex issues. While urbanization and poor birth control are factors, acknowledging the multi-faceted nature of urban growth might enhance your argument.
task response
Ensure your examples are detailed and based on factual evidence. The examples given are a bit generic and could be improved by adding real statistics or studies for validity.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphing and use a wider range of linking devices to enhance coherence. Transition sentences between paragraphs could improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with spelling, grammar, and particularly the precise use of terminology. For example, 'unexpected fertilization' might be more accurately referred to as 'unplanned pregnancies'.
coherence cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion paragraphs that clearly outline your essay's structure and viewpoints.
task achievement
Good use of examples, even if they would benefit from more detail, to support your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • phenomenal rate
  • decline in quality of life
  • allure
  • employment opportunities
  • urbanization
  • exacerbates
  • traffic congestion
  • heightened stress levels
  • inadequate infrastructural development
  • housing shortages
  • urban sprawl
  • environmental degradation
  • carbon emissions
  • decentralizing development
  • sustainable urban planning
  • enforcing stricter pollution controls
  • remote work
  • urban migration pressures
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