With the widespread use of the Internet, more people choose to work or study from home. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays as the
internet
has been widely used around the globe, many people
opt to work from home or even take courses via the internet
. Although
solely working or studying from the
distance via the Correct article usage
a
internet
connection can cause mental stress, I support the view that it can reduce the cost for commuters and students.
On the one hand, long-tern
distance education and work will Correct your spelling
long-term
putting
more pressure on mental health, it is because it loses the touch of Change the verb form
put
be putting
human
. Social interaction is essential for maintaining a healthy mental status, Fix the agreement mistake
humans
whereas
communicating via the internet
completely can disconnect individuals from their wider society which may negatively impact on
their social lives and cause Change preposition
apply
the
sense of isolation. Correct article usage
a
For example
, during the Covid-19 pandamic
, the number of workers and students who have been diagnosed with Correct your spelling
pandemic
the
depression surged Correct article usage
apply
Change preposition
to the
the
historical high, as Correct article usage
a
the
face-to-face communication is strictly prohibited. Correct article usage
apply
However
, this
cannot overshadow the benefit
brought by Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
this
change.
On the other hand
, working and studying on the internet
has greatly saved people
's money, energy and time. As the
commuting is not required for distance workers and learners, which will drastically save their money and time. With Correct word choice
The
the
stable network connection, Correct article usage
a
people
are able to turn on their electronic devices at their home
and work or study directly without worrying about missing Fix the agreement mistake
homes
the
public transport or paying for car fuel.
In conclusion, even though working and learning solely rely on the Correct article usage
apply
internet
may cause mental issue
, I believe that it benefits Fix the agreement mistake
issues
people
more as it greatly saves more money and time due to
its convenient nature.Submitted by Ming on
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Task Achievement
To enhance your task achievement, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples related to how working or studying from home saves money and time. This would solidify your arguments and offer clearer evidence to support your views.
Task Achievement
Adding a few sentences that acknowledge opposing views could also strengthen your argument by showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to seamlessly connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more smoothly and enhance its overall cohesion.
Task Achievement
Consider revisiting your discussion about the disadvantages to make it more substantial by incorporating more detail and evidence. This could offer a more balanced consideration of both sides of the argument.
Logical Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively encapsulate the main points of your essay. This provides a strong framework for your argument.
Supported Main Points
You have successfully supported your main points with general examples, which helps in elucidating your arguments.
Logical Structure
The structure of your paragraphs is logical and aids in the progression of your argument, contributing to the essay's overall coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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