Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
In these decades, lots of
people
prefer to carry their own business to apply for jobs. Though, there are still some nagative
factors when Correct your spelling
negative
do
it ; Change the verb form
doing
however
, in my perspective, i
believe that being self-employed is a better idea and in Change the capitalization
I
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
i
will mention two main reasons.
First of all, Change the capitalization
I
in
recently, the problem of Change preposition
apply
hiarachy
Correct your spelling
hierarchy
is
always chaos that many Verb problem
has
people
are being
stuck. Verb problem
getting
For instance
, in Japan, i
met a friend who had to quit her job because of Change the capitalization
I
being
power Unnecessary verb
apply
harrassment
which means Correct your spelling
harassment
people
with high positions put pressure on the lower ones, thus
no one can speak out or
against it because there is a hidden rule that Correct word choice
apply
people
must respect their boss by anyway.
Next,
people
want to get rid of their safe zone. Take influencers as an example, these people
do
not Verb problem
are
be
under by any company, they can work even Verb problem
apply
while
they are going out and it brings them a fantasy income. The more developed the society is the higher demand
of Correct article usage
the demand
people
are
. It means that with Correct subject-verb agreement
is
the
stable salary, Correct article usage
a
people
are
difficult to Verb problem
find it
fulfill
their desires Change the spelling
fulfil
such
as owning a
good accommodation, Correct article usage
apply
traveling
and so on,Change the spelling
travelling
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Furthermore
, they will be more motivative
and creative because they can do what they want Replace the word
motivated
to
their own business without any Change preposition
in
limitation
.
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
Nevertheless
, working for an organisation as an employee also
has some benefits such
as low
risk of Correct article usage
a low
bankrupt
or if Replace the word
bankruptcy
people
make a mistake, there will always have
someone who will fix it for them compared to Verb problem
be
work
for oneself, they have to adjust all Wrong verb form
working
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
happened
problems by themselves.
Wrong verb form
happens
To conclude
, both of
self-employed and employed have Change preposition
apply
its
own advantages and drawbacks, Correct pronoun usage
their
thus
i
suppose that being a sole proprietor is Change the capitalization
I
overwhelmed
because individuals do not need to ensure the Replace the word
overwhelming
stressure
from their seniors or be more flexible with their lives.Correct your spelling
pressure
tressure
Submitted by trangtrnh548 on
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Language
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors. While small mistakes are understandable, repeated errors can distract the reader from your main points. Consider revising phrases like 'hiarachy is always chaos' to 'hierarchy is often chaotic.',
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the logical flow. To further improve coherence, try to connect your ideas more seamlessly by using a wider range of linking words.
Task Response
You've done well to include specific examples to support your arguments, such as the experience of your friend in Japan and the lifestyle of influencers. To enhance your essay, try to delve deeper into these examples, explaining how they directly support your argument.
Argument Development
It's beneficial to address both sides of the argument in your essay, as you've done here by mentioning the advantages of traditional employment. To improve, consider offering a more detailed comparison or constructing a clearer argument for why being self-employed outweighs these benefits.
Content
The essay presents clear arguments for why some might prefer self-employment, such as avoiding hierarchical pressures and seeking greater personal freedom.
Examples
Providing personal and real-world examples adds weight to your arguments, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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