The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the main reason for the growth in overweight people ? How can this problem be solved?

#people #risk #health #reason #growth

There are many

people

today who suffer from obesity. There are

aslo

Correct your spelling

also

many solutions to help these

people

This

essay will examine both the reasons for

this

problem and the solutions available to address these health issues. There are many reasons for the growth in

overwight

Correct your spelling

overweight

people

in society . First ,there are many

people

who

lives

Change the verb form

live

show examples

unhealthy

Add an article

an unhealthy

show examples

lifestyle.They do not move or do exercise .

In addition

to replacing

healty

Correct your spelling

healthy

foof

Correct your spelling

food

vegetable

Fix the agreement mistake

vegetables

show examples

frout

Correct your spelling

fruit

front

and healthy sources of

protine

Correct your spelling

protein

and oil with frozen

food

fastfood

Correct your spelling

fast food

and MG plants.

Wich

Correct your spelling

Which

show examples

leaves us with the second

reson

Correct your spelling

reason

, the

raise

Correct your spelling

rise

show examples

fastfood

Correct your spelling

fast food

fast-food

restorants

Correct your spelling

restaurants

number .

People

choose to buy cheap and fast

food

from fast

food

restorants

Correct your spelling

restaurants

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

theese

Correct your spelling

these

meals are very bad for our body .It makes us

unactive

Correct your spelling

inactive

show examples

and lazy .

Due to

that, we end up fat and over

wighted

Correct your spelling

weighted

weight

Finally

, in many jobs ,

Correct article usage

the govenmet

show examples

govenmet

Correct your spelling

government

governments

replace human

employes

Correct your spelling

employees

show examples

with computers and robots . In many

companies

Add a comma

companies,

show examples

employes

Correct your spelling

employees

show examples

work in

thier

Correct your spelling

their

homes .

Therefor

Correct your spelling

Therefore

show examples

robots can work in the company. We can solve all these problems by

Change the verb form

following

show examples

these decisions.First,

people

shoud

Correct your spelling

should

astablish

Correct your spelling

establish

more healthy

food

restorants

Correct your spelling

restaurants

.There are many small local shops that

sale

Replace the word

sell

show examples

healthy

food

Such

as healthy pizza ,

fruits

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fruit

show examples

cake and vegetable juices .That

well

Correct your spelling

will

show examples

really

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

the youth and children .

Second,

people

should

Correct your spelling

encourage

encorage

Correct your spelling

encourage

teens and children to play sport and go to the gym , lunch marathons and

compations

Correct your spelling

competitions

companions

. That

well

Correct your spelling

will

show examples

help to make an active generation .

Finally

lanch

Correct your spelling

launch

show examples

awarness compaigns

Correct your spelling

awareness campaigns

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

streets

Change preposition

on streets

show examples

and

Change preposition

on TV

show examples

. About obesity and

overwight

Correct your spelling

overweight

Also

, how can that

effect

Replace the word

affect

show examples

our life in

Change the article

a negetive

show examples

negetive

Correct your spelling

negative

way

Change the punctuation

show examples

This

is a serious issue and problem that

shoud

Correct your spelling

should

be solved .An important subject to

descuse

Correct your spelling

discuss

with kids and

people

who do not know.- In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are many reasons responsible for

this

problem of obesity.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

there are many solutions available. ,

Submitted by alfred on Mon Apr 08 2024

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Grammar

Try to maintain consistency in your verb tenses throughout the essay. Mixing past and present tenses without clear reason can confuse the reader.

Spelling

Pay close attention to spelling and ensure words are correctly spelled, such as 'overweight', 'fast food', and 'government'. This elevates the readability of your essay.

Structure

Improving paragraph structure can enhance the clarity of your ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.

Coherence

Using transitions and connectors more effectively can improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'Firstly', 'In addition', and 'Consequently' help guide the reader through your argument.

Content

For a stronger argument, try to provide more specific examples and evidence when explaining causes or solutions to the issue of obesity. This makes your essay more persuasive and informative.

Structure

Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, which aids in the overall structure and clarity.

Understanding

You have clearly outlined both causes and solutions for obesity, which shows a good understanding of the essay prompt.

Ideas

Your essay covers a range of ideas and suggestions, demonstrating your ability to think broadly about the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
52Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

313 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the main reason for the growth in overweight people ? How can this problem be solved?

Fully explain your ideas

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more People are shifting to a Plant based diet. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to work or study in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the drawbacks?